Boiling Point
by emerald arrow
Summary: A young Amazon is taken prisoner by King Philip and grows up with Alexander and the other future generals. From day one, she and Cassander loathe eachother. yes, this is a het fic on this category...crazy...i know. CassanderF.O.C
1. prologue

I sprinted through the forest, dodging trees left and right, weaving my way back and forth trying to lose them. I felt my breathing get heavier and heavier every second. My legs ached to stop, but that wasn't an option. I wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. I mentally berated myself for getting myself into this predicament. I grimaced, remembering the arrogant confidence with which I had accepted the challenge. Steal the snake armband of Olympias, Queen of Macedonia. I pushed a sweaty auburn curl out of my icy blue eyes, frustrated, trying to look for some sort of hiding spot. I chanced a look behind me to see how far back my persuers were. I couldn't see them, which pleased me, but I could still hear them. Trying to capatilize on the opportunity, I turned my head around wildly searching. A grin of satisfaction met my lips. A small cave, easy to miss if you weren't really looking, and too small for anyone in their right mind to try and squeeze into. However, I've never claimed to be in my right mind, so I immediatly dove to the ground towards it. Immediately I whipped out my dagger and cut a heavily leafed branch off a nearby bush. Dropping to all fours in front of the "cave" entrance, I flung my legs backward and used my arms to propel the rest of my body backwards into the cave. I winced as I felt the rough rock scratching at various parts of my body but decided to worry about that later. Once I was sufficiently into the rock opening, I reached for the branch I had cut right outside the opening and held it over the entrance in front of me. Closing my eyes, I took deep breathes. "Artemis protect me," I whispered silently in desperate prayer.

Getting inside the great land of Macedonia had been easy enough, and then after entering the capital city, I had remained hidden under a black cloak I'd stolen from a merchant's vendor on the road. After I'd at last made my way to the palace, it was all a matter of finding the least guarded entrance. Stealth had always been my gift. So after maybe an hour, I'd found myself in the chambers of Olympias. She slept on her luxurious bed, her armband cast to the side on a nearby table. Too easy. I made my way over the table and picked up my prize. The morning sun glistened in the metal. I pocketed it into my cloak and slipped outside the chamber door. That was when it happened.

I had already began my journey back down the corridor when I'd heard a young voice behind me: a boy's voice, "Hey you! Stop there!" My heart, at least, did indeed stop. My first instinct had been to run, but I knew that'd only make me look guilty, so I stopped. I turned around and found myself face to face with the owner of the voice. He was about my age. He looked at me suspiciously. I could feel the sweat on my forehead begin to form in droplets. The boy seemed to consider me. I fought the urge to run him through with the dagger at my side. As I think back, it seems that would likely have been the best option. A moment later, he grinned, then opened his mouth and bellowed as loud as he could, "Thief! Thief! Guards! Come quick! The queen's chambers!!!!" My eyes had widened in horror as I already heard guards making their way towards the location. No time to give the boy what he deserved, I quickly turned and ran. And I hadn't stopped running til this cave.

I opened my eyes. I waited. Any second, they'd pass. There! I heard them. They'd stopped directly in front of my hiding spot. I heard a low conversation, but I couldn't make out the words. The guards seemed to be confused as to where I could have disappeared to. I heard an angry hissing noise near my feet. 'Oh, please Artemis, favor me. Make it my imagination.' There was a hiss again. Something slithered up my leg. I clinched my eyes shut, willing myself to be at home. No luck. I craned my neck backwards. 'Please don't be poisonous...' There...poised ready to strike...a cobra. 'Brilliant...just fantastic!' The guards were still standing in front of my cave. There were my choices: be at the mercy of the Greeks, or be killed by a cobra. I hated Greeks. My people scorned Greeks. It was therefore a matter of honor I take my chances with the cobra. Yet, as soon as I had finished my decision, I felt fangs slice into my thigh. A piercing scream escaped my lips before I could stop myself. 'Insult to injury,' I thought bitterly through my agony as I immediately, by reflex, began attempting to pull myself out of that blasted hole. I managed to pull myself out and began to roll into a ball on the ground hugging my leg to my chest, desperate not to cry. I wanted to keep my pride in tact to at least some extent. The guards stared down at me, bewildered. I finally managed to fight through the pain to sit up and stare back at them with a certain sense of composure. My cloak partially covered my face. Finally, the taller of the two guards broke from his shock and ripped the hood off my head. The guards looked somewhat shocked. I reached for a sturdy looking stick near me. I used all the power I had left in me to stand up, trying to stay off my bitten leg. The guards began to speak to eachother.

"Why...she's nothing but a young girl. She can't be more than 12!"

"14 at the very most." I stood ramrod straight, staring defiantly at the guards. The first one had been correct. I begin to feel in my cloak for my dagger. I realized it was lunacy for me to take on two full grown Grecian guards, but I was going to to die from snake bite anyways. I refused to go down quietly. That was when I noticed that my dagger had somehow detatched itself from my body during my roll of agony on the ground. Uninjured, I could have made it to the knife before the guards, however, that wasn't the case. One of the guards held up the lethal dagger for inspection. He gave a low whistle.

"This knife is for serious hunting and killing." The other guard looked at me in confusion. The guard finally addressed me.

"What's a young girl like you doing with a knife like this?" I continued to stare defiantly. It seemed this was an opportune time to reveal part of my identity. I lifted off my cloak revealing my mid thigh-length skirt and a bra which sufficiently covered that region of my boddy completely (think sportsbra-esque), both made of tanned animal hides. A brown leather belt hung lazily on my hips with a knife scabbard attatched. My neck was covered in several colorful beaded necklaces of blue, green, and purple. My right arm hid the true secret to my identity, which I knew the Greeks would never realize. On my right arm was a simple band with one small feather hanging from it. I stood proud. The guards' air seemed to catch in their lungs. Both vocalized at the same time.

"An Amazon..." I held my head even higher. Yes, an Amazon. The guards seemed to remember the purpose of their mission and began to rush at me. I made an attempt to dodge them. But, with my bum leg I only succeeded in moving maybe half a foot before dropping again in agony. I felt the hands of the guards on me. I resembled a scared, wild animal as I attempted to fight them off from the ground, hissing with pain every once in a while. I heard hoof beats coming towards us. The guards didn't seem to. Another superiority of the Amazons I thought with pride. The hoof beats stopped a yard or so away. A second young voice spoke that day.

"What seems to be the problem here?" The guards immediately stopped fighting with me and turned to look at the owner of this voice. I leaned back onto my arms tiredly and looked past the guards to observe for myself. On a black horse sat a blonde-headed boy who also looked around my age. The guard who'd first pulled the cloak from my head spoke.

"This girl was found in the queen's chambers this morning. She's a thief. We've been chasing her the good part of the morning." The guard bowed. I found this odd. Who was this boy? I finally spoke myself, shocking the males around me.

"I was found NEAR her chambers, not in them. And the only proof you have to your claims are the bellowings of one speck of a boy," I stated coldly. The boy finally looked at me. He had a strange look on his face. No doubt pondering my unusual dress. He apparently decided to ignore it. Instead he spoke again.

"Then why did you run?" I fought the urge to smile. He was good. More than I'd expect from a boy, a Greek no less. I instead stared him straight back in the eye.

"If two Grecian guards started barrelling down a corridor at you with their weapons unsheathed, wouldn't you run?" The boy seemed to accept my answer.

"Please, stand," he requested. I situated my good leg underneath me and began to push on it. I was too weak. I could feel my mind clouding over from the effort. The poison was setting in. Concern seemed to etch the boy's face. He turned to the guards questioningly.

"Honestly, highness, we wouldn't have found her had she not screamed moments ago and come crawling fast out of that cave there-"

"Help her up," the boy commanded. I felt the hands of the guards on either side of me pulling me to my feet. I had to place my full weight on them. Blood dripped down my leg. The boy seemed to notice it and jumped from his horse. He walked towards me with his hands up showing he meant no harm to my suspicious stare. He inspected the bite and glanced at my former hiding spot. He ripped part of his toga and tied it around my leg. He addressed the guards.

"Put her on my horse." The guards seemed to want to protest, but the boy spoke again.

"That's an order. She's been bitten by a cobra. I'm taking her to my mother. Put that cloak of her's around her." The guards obeyed. It seemed clear through my haze that this boy was obviously royalty. The boy climbed on the horse behind me and told me to hold on. He kicked the horse and we shot off back to the city. As we stopped in front of the palace, I heard him call for more guards to help carry me. He told them to take me to the queen's room. It dawned on me. Of course...he's the prince. And his mother was Olympias, a well known snake handler...hence the snake armband I'd stolen earlier. The prince ran ahead of me to speak to his mother before we got there. By the time we got there, the queen stood in front of her door commanding the guards to place me on her bed. After being placed gently onto the bed, she commanded them to get out immediately. It was then only myself, Olympias, and her son in the room. She reached for me and gently removed my cloak. Her eyes betrayed a slight shock, but as she appraised my wardrobe, she smiled knowingly. Her eyes lingered on my armband. Her eyes then flew to mine in recognition. I stared back blankly. I had a new sense of admiration for the woman. She apparently knew more than any other in the palace, and perhaps the kingdom, about the Amazons. She motioned for the boy to approach.

"Alexander, please fetch my herbs." He immediately ran from the room. His name was Alexander. She untied the makeshift bandage and inspected the wound. She smiled down at me.

"You must be strong. Any other, especially of your age, would be dead by now." I felt a sense of pride in myself, but my reply was simple.

"I'm an Amazon," as if this should make my strength obvious. Her smile seemed to deepen.

"Yes, I know." Alexander returned with the herbs. Olympias began treating me. Moments later I remember waking up. I had at first thought I was alone until I looked over at the young prince watching me anxiously. The moment he saw I was awake, he ran from the room. Moments later, Olympias entered. I sat up slowly, still a little drowsy. Olympias held up her hand.

"Stop. You need rest." I nodded and laid back down. She continued to speak, "In a matter of hours, you should be able to walk again. By tomorrow, you will be completely restored," I smiled, thankful, "Now tell, what brought such a young Amazon to Macedonia and to my chambers early this morning? I admit, it is not often those of your people find themselves anywhere near here, so to find the... _heir _to the Amazonian throne...in my room is somewhat a perplexing mystery." She stressed the word heir, with a meaningful look at my right arm. Yes, my mother was the queen of the Amazons...I was next in line. That was the significance of my armband. The armband itself symbolized royalty. The single feather stated how many women stood before me for the throne. My mother wore a plain armband. My young sister wore 2 feathers. I knew that having my station among the Amazons known to the Greeks should worry me, but Olympias almost spellbound me into a sense of calm. However, I did feel guilt wash through me as I remembered her possession in my cloak. I had stolen from her, and she had saved my life. I reached for my cloak and found the armband. I held it out to her. She looked at me long before taking the ornament and sliding it up her arm.

"For what purpose did you find it necessary to take such a thing?"

"It was a challenge," I stated with shame, looking down. She smiled gently. She seemed about to say something when the door to her chamber flew open and a rough-looking man with brown hair and a missing right eye came storming in and none too gently pushed Olympias out of the way. He studied me, then turned back to the queen. I knew who this must be. King Philip of Macedonia. He confronted his wife.

"So it's true. We have an Amazon in the palace. Why did you not inform me?  
"It seems that would have been unnecessary, for you found out anyways."

"Do not talk to me so, woman. Why is she here?"

"Our son found her bitten by a cobra in the forest. He brought her here for me to heal."

"I want her arrested. She should be executed."

"Look at her Philip. Do you honestly fear one so young?"

"Kill the cub before the cub has a chance to become a lion."

"Or, win the trust of the cub so that the lion may fight for you."

"One Amazon? What could one Amazon do for Greece?"

"One Amazon? Nothing. But this Amazon is no one Amazon." Philip looked at me questioningly. He searched me as if looking for something visually special about me.

"What is so different about this one?" Olympias glanced almost apologeticly in my direction. I knew she would tell him. She was attempting to spare my life. I didn't know if I appreciated this method however.

"My king, observe her right arm." He did.

"And?"

"She wears a single feather on the royal armband," Philip still didn't seem to catch on,"She's the future queen of the Amazons." He seemed startled. He turned back to me sharply. I felt his eyes on my arm. He spoke to Olympias as he continued to stare.

"Are you lying to me?"

"I would not tell this lie. She is the heir. To befriend her would mean a powerful future allie." Philip looked at me as if I were precious gold. He approached me. I sat up and stared at the king of the Greeks with suspicion and disgust. He smirked at me.

"What is your name, girl?" My name...so someone in this place actually cared what in Hades my name was.

"Thalestris." He nodded.

"Thalestris, welcome to your new home." Both Olympias and I jumped. "NO!" I yelled.

"You cannot mean to keep her capitve..." He held up his hand.

"Not a captive...more like a guest who isn't permitted to leave. She will attend the academy with Alexander and the other boys. She will fight with Greeks, learn with Greeks...and be civilized as a Greek." There was a sour taste in my mouth. My people scorned Greeks. They scorned them and their pompous "civilization". It was clearly unacceptable for the Amazonian heir to be trained as one. Olympias seemed to notice my dissatisfaction with the idea.

"Philip. Her mind is trained. She's already educated in the ways of the Amazon." Philip was settled though. He held his hand up as if to signify the end of the argument.

"She will go to the academy whether she likes it or not. She shall be re-educated." With that he strided out of the room. I fought the tears building in my eyes. Amazons never cried. If they did, they did it in private. I felt my world crashing around me. I was forbidden to go home. I was away from the women I cared about and everything I had been taught. I was to be forced to fashion myself as...as a Greek of all abominations. My eyes watered. I fought hard. Olympias, ever astute, seemed to notice my plight and let me be. As soon as she was out of the room and I was alone, I let the tears flow. I placed my head in my hands.

"Artemis...why have you abandoned me so," I whispered hoarsely.

"Please, don't cry. I promise it won't be as bad as you think." I looked up startled. Alexander was sitting on the bed next to me. He seemed concerned. I wiped my eyes quickly and choked back any other tears that threatened to fall.

"Please do not look at me as if I am some frail object. I'm a warrior." He seemed to get excited.

"So it's true! About the Amazons...they're a barbaric tribe of warrior women..."

"We are NOT barbaric." He looked at me ash faced.

"Of course...my apologies. I didn't mean to offend you..." There was an awkward silence.

"I'm Thalestris." He smiled.

"I'm Alexander." I smiled back. Despite his sex and nationality, he wasn't bad.

"So what's this academy I'm to attend with you and the other boys?" Alexander grinned.

"That's where we learn to fight and we study under the great philosopher Aristotle." I snorted with laughter.

"What's so funny?" he asked almost offended.

"Yes...Aristotle...I've heard of him. The preacher of civilization. I suppose I could teach him a thing or two. I'll bet the old man hasn't even been outside his beloved "civilization" to know what it's really like." Alexander laughed, though he looked as if he didn't know whether he should or not. I tried to placate the boy.

"Laugh if you want, Alexander. You must learn to think for yourself. If you are to be a leader in this world...you must learn to lead."

"And if my thoughts align with Aristotle's?"

"Then I suppose I'll just have to run you through with my dagger," I stated seriously. He looked startled, but then I grinned to show it was a joke. He relaxed and laughed.

"I think I'll enjoy having you around at the academy. I must warn you though. Some of the other's may not be as open to you as me." I scoffed.

"Don't worry about me, Alexander, worry about them. I may not be as open to them as I am to you, and I promise I'm far more deadly." We talked for a few more hours. I knew he'd likely be my best friend in the place. I was thankful for his company. It made me feel less uneasy to know I had a friend. At last, Olympias came in and told Alexander it was high time for him to retire. She then showed me to my own room. It was simple. A nice bed with scarlet sheets, a table in the center with a few chairs, and a mirror. The queen smiled encouragingly at me, and left. At first I thought I might try and escape, but I heard the guards outside my door and knew there was no chance. I removed my cloak and threw it on the table. I then climbed into my bed and fell asleep. The next morning I was being awoken by a servant. There was a knock on the door and then Alexander flew into my room like a whirlwind.

"Come on! We've got to go to the academy. You can't be late on your first day! They'll already be watching you since you're a girl..." I smiled at him, amused. I grabbed my daggar and sheathed it. I then followed him out of the room and out of the palace. We walked in friendly silence most of the way. I memorized the path. We at last reached the structure which served as the place of learning for all of the noble boys. Before we could enter though, King Philip and an old man I guessed to be Aristotle came out and stopped us.

"Go on, Alexander. I need a word with the girl first," said the old man. Alexander looked reluctant, but eventually obeyed. King Philip smiled disgustingly at me, and strode off. I looked back at the old philosopher. He seemed to be staring at me and thinking hard. I was becoming agitated.

"Not much thought is necessary for this situation, sir. My name is Thalestris. I'm an Amazon. In fact, my mother is queen of the Amazons, which, yes, makes me the heir. You're Aristotle, the Greek philosopher who insists upon calling my people barbarians. I am here at the academy to be "re-educated" into a Greek allie.No, I don't want to be here. However, since I have no choice, it is my intent to re-educate you. I'm going be the best student at this academy. I will be the deadliest warrior, the sharpest mind, and by the end you will know the superiority or at least equality of women and most importantly the Amazons." I finished my speech with my chin in the air, staring him in the eye defiantly. Aristotle cocked his eyebrow at me. He smiled.

"Indeed...indeed we shall see." He then lead me into the building, down a corridor, and outside into a courtyard where there seemed to be etchings in the ground and a group of boys around my age sat laughing. Aristotle put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me towards them. As we approached, the boys quieted and stared at me as if I were myth come-to-life. I heard whispers of "dressed like one of those Amazons" among them and fought the urge to smirk. I spotted Alexander. He grinned at me. I grinned back. The boys heads all shot back towards Alexander in question. Alexander just laughed in amusement for reply. Aristotle seemed to stifle a chuckle.

"Boys...please...I have a new student-"

"She's a girl! Sir, you can't honestly be serious," interrupted an eerily familiar voice. I searched for the owner of it.

"I'm quite serious, Cassander, by order of King Philip. She will train at the academy with you boys-"

"But SIR!" The owner of the voice stepped forward. I felt my stomach lurch in loathing. He was a tall brunette with cold blue eyes. The boy from yesterday. The one who'd called the guards. He was the reason I was trapped here.

"You....," I hissed. He looked at me questioningly at first, then realization of who I was seemed to dawn on him. He smirked. That was it. Before a second thought of caution, I dove for the boy. We both crashed to the ground fighting. The mere touch of Cassander, as he was apparently called, seemed to send an energy through me, and I fought all the fiercer. To my surprise, Aristotle let us fight. At last I had him pinned and looking pretty banged up. I had barely a scratch. I held him down. He looked up at me with pure hatred. I knew it was because I was a girl and I'd just royally torn him to shreds in front of all of the other boys. It made my victory even sweeter. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I knew it was Alexander. He looked at me, pleading to end the fight. So I gave Cassander a meaningful look, then looked around me at all the astonished faces. I spoke to them all.

"You're earlier assessment was correct. I am an Amazonian warrior. Do not underestimate me. My name is Thalestris, and you'd do well to remember it." With that said, I got off Cassander and stood. Aristotle was motioning for the boys to sit down again. I walked to an open spot on a rock next to Alexander. He looked at me, obviously somewhat startled by my previous display. I cocked a crooked grin at him. He paused, then laughed and shook his head. We both turned to pay attention to Aristotle's lecture. I felt eyes on me. I turned to see Cassander still staring at me with hatred. But I still had the same feeling and knew that there must be someone else. I looked over to see a curly blonde-headed boy staring at me with a look in his eyes I did not recognize. Alexander seemed to notice and followed my gaze to the boy. He snickered.

"Ahh...well, it seems you've already caught the admiration of one of us," he whispered. I looked at him, not understanding. Alexander seemed to realize how foreign such things as this were to me.

"His name is Philotas. In our culture, you may have heard of a thing called attraction..." I was somewhat startled. Yes, I'd heard of it. I knew what it was. I'd just never known it. "From the look in the boy's eyes, I'd say he's about ready to do absolutely anything for you," Alexander continued, still whispering.

"Alexander! Thalestris! Please, humor an old man and pretend I'm interesting." Mine and Alexander's conversation immediately stopped. I looked at this boy Philotas. He was still staring at me with that look. I smiled at him. At first he seemed shocked, but he almost immediately grinned back at me, very pleased. This, for some reason, caused me to grin as well. I noticed a movement in the corner of my eye. I looked to see Cassander glaring with intense rage...only...it wasn't at me. His hatred now seemed to be pointed at Philotas.

At the end of Aristotle's lecture, we were lead to a large hall. I learned that this was where we would study sword fighting. We were paired off and given wooden practice swords. I was to fight a boy named Perdiccas, who seemed quite nervous to be fighting me. That pleased me. I looked around the hall. Alexander was fighting a boy whom he was most obviously very close to; his name I'd learned was Hephaistion. I then looked to see that Cassander and Philotas were to fight eachother. This worried me for some reason. Cassander looked over at me watching him and Philotas. He smirked, his eyes filled with malice. Before I had time to really ponder more on the matter however, we were signaled to begin. Perdiccas was not a bad swordsman. He held his own well enough, but I was clearly superior. Mostly, perhaps, because the Amazons likely began teaching us how to fight earlier than the Greeks taught their own to fight. It didn't take me long to disarm him and force him to the ground with the point of the wooden sword right over his heart. I immediately removed the sword from its position and held my hand out to the boy. His look of bewilderment from the fight left him and he smiled and took my hand. I helped him up and we shook hands. I heard a yell behind me. I turned to see Cassander taking unmerciful jabs and swings at Philotas. It was obvious Cassander could have easily already won. But he seemed to be prolonging it merely for the pleasure of torturing the other boy. Philotas fell to the ground on his stomach. I saw the malicious gleem in Cassander's eyes as he lifted the practice weapon. I swiftly moved forward. Just before Cassander's sword could crash onto Philotas' spine. I lunged forward and blocked the blow with my own sword. Cassander stood somehat jarred for a moment, then looked at me.

"You looked as if you needed more challenging competition." We both moved away from the near broken boy on the ground and began circling eachother, sizing the other up. The rest of the boys in the hall seemed to take notice and stopped their own fights to crowd around us, waiting for the fight that was to ensue. We both attacked at the same time. We moved like lightning: dodging, swinging, jumping, rolling...fueled by our hate. It seemed the fight would never end. Then there was the instructor Leonidas breaking through the cheering crowd of boys.

"Cassander! Thalestris! Stop now!" At first we did not listen, instead continued, "NOW!" Leonidas pushed between us. We finally seperated, panting heavily. Our eyes locked with loathing. Our rivalry was officially in place.

That was 10 years ago. I sigh as I look out over an open field, remembering my first days in Macedonia. I feel the wind blowing through my curly hair. Ten years...and I still haven't gone home. I look at my armband. I wonder if my people still believe me to be alive. Despite many protests, I still wear the clothes of an Amazon. Much to many's dismay, I held on tight to my Amazonian culture. Time had changed much, though. I find it difficult to recall my complete disgust for the Greeks. I barely remember what it was like to hate all men. The only true hate in my life is Cassander: that rivaly had sustained and multiplied through academy to even this very present. I suppose in that way, King Philip had succeeded in my "re-education". King Philip...should I say...the late King Philip... He was murdered 2 days ago. Alexander is king now. I grin thinking about it. Alexander was like brother to me from day one. Even if now, he is what's holding me in Macedonia. I remember the day in which Philip ordered me in front of him. He ordered me to declare loyalty to him. I refused, saying that the only time I'd promise loyalty to a Macedonian king would be when he died and Alexander was on the throne. Enraged he'd attacked me, but was thwarted by Alexander himself. It was that night when I had indeed heedlessly promised Alexander my loyalty. He'd smiled and told me to consider that carefully, because he knew I'd one day regret it. I had been obstinate though. Now, Alexander is king, and my loyalty has already been promised. He knows how my heart aches, though, he says he needs me. He's made me one of his generals. We leave out on campaign tomorrow early. I feel an arm encircle my waist from behind. I smile as I feel soft lips on my neck. I turn to look into the eyes of my lover. He smiles fondly at me.

"What if I had been some other man come to try and seduce you?" I laugh.

"There's no other man who'd dare but you, Philotas," I grinned.


	2. disclaimer

sorry...i forgot the disclaimer last time. so, ok...here it is. this is the only disclaimer I'll have...and it'll cover the entire story. Mainly, because it's a hassle and I think yall realize I don't own this movie. But, the law is the law...so for the record, I, emerald arrow, do not own the movie Alexander. Therefore, I don't own anything in this story except the plot and Thalestris. However, if anyone has any information on how I may come to own Johnathan Rhys-Meyers...just let me know. Thanx!


	3. Morning Spats and Surprises

hey hey boys and girls! sorry for the long wait. i appreciate the reviews. I've been lacking inspiration. However, on a good note, my brother pirated me a copy of Alexander for Christmas...which excites me...mainly because i can use it to refresh my memory. anyways, the first installment seemed to go over well...let's hope I can keep it up...lets cross our fingers folks.

Chapter 2

I felt the rays of the sun wash over my face as the sun began to rise, waking me from my sleep. I rolled over and immediately felt how empty my bed truly was without Philotas. It had been quite some time since I'd spent a night without him by my side, but his father had requested his presence at his home that night. As it was to be his last night at home it was understandable. However, I knew his father often looked for excuses to lure Philotas away from me. Parmenion had never really liked the idea of his one and only son choosing to be with "the wild girl", yet had always endured it as peacefully as possible knowing my close relationship with Alexander as well as the power I held in the military. I supposed, also, he figured his son could have done worse. I sighed and sat up stretching before I got out of bed. I continued to get dressed. I felt sorry for Philotas somewhat. I knew he was often ridiculed for his woman being a general when he didn't even make commander. He always just shrugged and smiled, telling me they were just jealous of him. I slid my dagger and sword into their sheaths. I'd never understood his answer. And, yet, much about my relationship with Philotas I didn't understand. I watched Alexander and Hephaistion and instinctively knew that the love they felt for eachother was of a different sort than mine and Philotas'. It was much fuller. I envied it, thinking something must be missing between Philotas and myself. Don't misunderstand. I cared for him very much and Zeus knows he got the job done in bed. But, sometimes I got the feeling that while he was loving me, I couldn't bring myself to say such strong of a word. I looked around my room making sure I'd gotten all my weapons and any other odd or end I'd need for the eastern campaign. My door opening behind caused me to stop and smile.

"Alexander, will you ever learn to knock?" The blonde man walked up beside me laughing.

"How did you know it was me? How did you know I wasn't Philotas for example?" I laughed.

"Because even he knocks," I stated flatly as Alexander grinned and shrugged, "you know, it sometimes worries me that you're in charge of an entire nation."

"And soon to be world if you'll hurry up." I laughed and followed the man outside my door, nodding to the guards who still stood outside my door since the day I first came.

"Alexander, as one of your first acts as king, could you please do me a favor and get rid of the excessive security?" I said nodding back toawards my door. Alexander just glanced back and smiled.

"You're leaving today. There'd be no point. Besides, they'd be so dissappointed. I hear the guards now fight over who gets to watch your room." I nodded in understanding.

"I can imagine it probably is the easiest job they could get assigned." Alexander gave me an odd look and shook his head.

"Perhaps, but that's not the reason I was thinking."

"Please, Alexander, I'm a soldier."

"That you may be, but one day you need to also recognize that you're a beautiful woman as well." I grunted at him with frustration and began to speed up.

"Come, highness, we have a war council to attend and it wouldn't look very good on you especially to be late." Alexander shook his head and followed. As we approached the hall in which the meeting would be held, Alexander immediately began to work the room, shaking hands and conversing with other generals. I immediately slid off into the shadows of the room as usual. I was too busy watching the ongoings of the center of the room to notice I wasn't the only one in the shadows until I felt myself bump into a body. The body in question turned to apologise but immediately stopped upon seeing me.

"Oh...you...can't you at least try to be in a room with me for 10 seconds without the need to touch me. I always feel so dirty after you touch me."

"Isn't it a little early in the morning to be swapping childish insults, Cassander, even for you? So touched to know that you were paying such close attention to my arrival though. Miss me?" Cassander sneered. His sneer then turned into a smirk as he seemed to see something from accross the room. Before I knew it, my back was against a wall, his left arm blocking me from one side as his other hand began to stroke my cheek and play with my hair. I ignored the odd feeling in my stomach, assuming I was merely about to gag. But as he stared into my eyes, I realized I couldn't look away. His vision seemed clowded as well. I didn't know what was going on. Finally, he seemed to come back to himself and leaned close into my ear.

"You may want to go catch your lover," he whispered. Realization dawned on me and I immediately pushed him away, catching a glimpse of Philotas' back as he stormed out of the hall. I turned, giving Cassander my most piercing look.

"You WILL pay for that." Cassander smirked, however I could see a hint of worry in his eyes. I didn't linger though, I immediately raced out of the hall after Philotas. I caught up to him standing stock still outside looking like a statue of stone. He glanced over at me and snarled. I placed myself directly in front of him and stared into his eyes, willing him to listen to me. He couldn't keep up the snarl. Instead, his features turned to hurt. It both pained me to know what he thought I'd done, and angered me that he believed I'd truly be with Cassander. His head fell before he looked me in the eye again.

"It's not what it looked like. Cassander and I were fighting when he saw you and set up that little scene purely for his own malicious enjoyment." He looked skeptical. "Come, Philotas, you know as well as I do that there is nothing but harsh words and weapons between myself and Cassander." Philotas searched my eyes, willing to see the truth.

"There's a fine line between love and hate." I sighed in frustration.

"Should I prove it to you?" He smiled slightly.

"And how would you do that?" I smiled before moving in and pressing my lips to his. He pressed back. My hands moved to his fine hair as his arms encircled me and the kiss was deepened. Finally, we both seperated, are foreheads rested against eachother. He smiled.

"I missed you last night," I said. He always seemed to need me to say such things to make him feel wanted. Besides, I really did mean it. He grinned his boyish grin and pulled me closer. I suddenly felt like I needed space for some reason and began to push away.

"We need to go back to the meeting." He nodded and we both turned to walk back. I saw Cassander standing by the door looking angry as he'd apparently watched and hadn't liked that his plan hadn't worked. Philotas saw him, too. He looked warily at Cassander and then at me, as if there was something he didn't trust. But, I continued on as Cassander quickly reentered the building. Once inside, Philotas took his place beside his father and I took my seat next to Hephaistion. He smiled warmly at me. I'd always liked him. He was one of the few who'd immediately accepted me in the beginning. Most likely because of Alexander, but I appreciated it all the same. I looked forward again to notice Cassander leaning against the wall giving me a slight condescending look. I sighed and leaned back into my chair. Really, the constant warfare got tiring sometimes. Hephaistion seemed to notice and gave an exaggerated sigh of annoyance.

"Don't tell me that fighting's already begun. We haven't even left yet. Well, at least we'll have constant entertainment," he said in mock resignation. I gave him a playful scowl to which he just snickered. Alexander then began the meeting with the usual humdrum business of locations, enemies, etc. Finally the moment we'd all been waiting for, Alexander was to announce how the divisions were to be split amongst the generals. I attempted to act calm and collected as he began the list but I felt myself move forward in my seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Philotas watching me with a smirk knowing how impatient I'd been to hear this information. And then my name resounded from Alexander's lips.

"Thalestris- right flank cavalry," he said, nodding in my direction. I resisted the urge to sigh in relief. I always enjoyed the speed of the horses over fighting on foot. Alexander paused, as if wary of the reaction which would occur after the next words left his mouth, and glanced briefly at me before turning to face the dark figure of Cassander, who was still leaning on the wall.

"Cassander- left flank cavalry," he said quickly as if hoping to move on to the next name before the arrangement could truly sink in, while still attempting to maintain an air of business. I saw Cassander suddenly shoot from his recumbant posture to stand straight up and take a quick step towards where Alexander stood. I merely stared a the man in disbelief, beginning to open my mouth in protest. Alexander cut us both off with a raised hand.

"Those are your orders. Now, the both of you can attempt to act mature about this and learn to work together." Cassander stepped back again, and I leaned back into my chair. He and I stared at eachother with bewilderment. We were to work together to command the cavalry...which would mean many private meetings together developing tactics and signals. How could Alexander do this to me? And then tell me it was my order as if I were some servant. The single feather on my arm suddenly seemed to feel heavier. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Me taking orders from Greeks and obeying them as I knew I would. 'Stop it,' I thought to myself, 'Alexander is not some Greek...he's your friend. And what about Philotas?' I looked up to see Philotas staring at me with concern. I cared for him. He cared for me. He loved me. But did I love him more than my Amazonian pride? Did I even love him at all? Had I ever? How could I possibly know? He was my first...I wasn't even familiar with the emotion when I first met him. My mind buzzed with questions I couldn't answer and mixed feelings I couldn't seem to sort out. Alexander began to close the meeting. I got up from my chair and swiftly strided out the door. I needed air.

Well, I think that's a good ending spot for this chapter. As you can tell, these first chapters are more or less just trying to build the atmosphere. I hope I'm portraying the confusion with Philotas and the hints of sexual tension with Cassander correctly. O well. Please review...I enjoy any constructive criticism. It helps give me ideas. or...if you just want to say hello...that's always fun too.

The Rave Raven- yeah...slash is good...but ya gotta have some variety I think. And come on sweety...who DOESN'T like the bad guys? Thanks for the encouragment!

Dark Angel66- thanks for the encouraging words! And don't you just hate it when the chapter is barely a page long? However, don't get too excited...the first chapter was the preface...so the rest won't be AS long...but I'll try to give them decent length.

Thylja- I tried to work on the advice you gave about Cassander a little bit...cause I could definately see where you were coming from on that. Was that any better?


	4. Awareness

I sighed while feeling the heat of the summer sun beat down on me causing my skin to be caked in sweat mixed with the dust and dirt that had gotten kicked up during our traveling. The army had been traveling for 4 weeks. Four long weeks of marching, riding, and drilling soldiers in the heat. No one was in a particularly good mood. Alexander put on a brave, cheerful face, but I knew him too well. I could tell he was miserable as well. Luckily, though, I'd been able to mostly avoid working with Cassander directly. I managed to use messengers if there was any important information he just had to know. He followed my example and did the same to me.

However, the peaceful separation would end today.

Once Alexander had caught wind of the arrangement, he'd immediately called me to his tent to express his anger and disappointment. Alexander claimed that we would lose if we kept that up.

"_Do you really want my first campaign as king to be a disaster, Thaly?" he asked with hurt in his eyes. _

"_Of course not, Alex, but why would you put me with HIM in the first place? Where is the tact in that? You know how much I loathe Cassander. And you know how much he loathes me in return. So why?!" I demanded, uncharacteristically allowing my temper to finally flare. Alexander stared at me as if I'd just betrayed him. He slammed his fist on his table and stared me directly in the eye. _

"_Are you serious? You really don't get it?? This is a war, Thalestris. A war: we're not children anymore. I need a strong cavalry against the Persians. You were top of our class at the academy. Cassander was second. You both are therefore my top choices for the job. I know you don't want to see it, but Cassander is talented. He's smart and deadly. This is about ability, Thalestris! I need you. I need him, too. I need the both of you to combine your strengths… to hell with your personal history!" He finished his speech and dropped his head to his hands. I stared at the blonde man before me. This was not the blonde boy whom I'd met in the woods a decade ago. He looked worn, tired. When had Alexander aged? When had he become the wise one? _

_Alexander's words took their desired affect on me. I hung my head in shame, realizing my own immaturity. I felt the weight of the Amazons on my shoulders, feeling as if I had again let them down. _

"_You're right, Alexander. I'm sorry. I'll try and ignore my personal feelings about Cassander from here on out and do my job. I won't fail you." He smiled warmly at me._

"_I know you won't. I know you wouldn't."_

I continued walking towards Cassander's private tent. It was in sight now, about 20 feet away. I stopped my progress and took a deep breathe, whispering what I hoped would not be yet another ignored prayer to Artemis. I began walking again… 15 feet… 10 feet… 7 feet… I was there, outside where my enemy slept.

I mentally scolded myself for being so cowardly. He was only one man. I was an Amazon. I hated myself for making such a huge deal of one simple meeting. So, with a new determination to prove to myself that I deserved my heritage, I simply marched straight into his tent, without a second thought.

My eyes immediately met a half-dressed, well-toned body dripping with water. Despite my best intentions, my eyes raked over tanned, developed abs and perfect pecs connected to broad shoulders and powerful arms all made even more sensual by the water droplets racing and brushing over every contour of the body. I had an instinct to reach out my finger tips… let them do as the water droplets did… until I heard the clearing of a masculine throat.

My eyes immediately jumped to the smirking face of Cassander. I was certain that my face had turned all different shades of red, but I did my best to act as if nothing had happened. I tried to pretend that I had not just appreciated Cassander's body so openly with him watching. I was even more ashamed of myself now than I had been before I'd walked into his tent. I tried to throw on the best sneer I could under the circumstances. I raised my chin in silent defiance and crossed my arms.

"You should really learn to wear more clothes, Cassander. Food rations are meager at best already. I'd hate to have to waste mine on puking."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't wander into my tent unannounced," he said continuing to smirk, "though I must say that you didn't seem anywhere near puking a moment ago." O how I hated him.

"What would I possibly want with you: a spoiled, selfish, arrogant bastard, when I already have Philotas?" Cassander snarled at my comment.

"Yes, Philotas is a boy. He'll figure out that he doesn't want to dirty his perfect Greek lineage with your savage filth soon enough." That was it… that was the breaking point. I leapt for the insufferable man standing in front of me. We both landed on the floor wrestling with each other. We flipped, pulled, and pushed our way around the cramped floor area of his tent panting and growling. As always, I could feel that familiar spark I felt when fighting him… urging me on…declaring how complete my hate for him was. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was amused at how similar our current fight was to the one we had on my first day at the academy before Alexander had intervened.

O no… Alexander… my promise… I gave him my word to make it work and here I was two minuets into the meeting and already in a physical fight. I used what was left of my full force to flip Cassander onto his back and pin him to the dirt floor.

"Sorry I ruined your bath. I suppose you'll have to have another. I'll be back in about an hour to have our meeting. Maybe by then you'll have remembered that this 'savage' finished ahead of you at the academy." I jumped off of him as quickly as possibly and made my way out of his tent as fast as I could, though slightly limping.

As promised, I went back an hour later (announcing myself before entering this time of course) to find a clean, dressed, though slightly miffed Cassander sitting at his makeshift desk waiting for me. I held my head up and took a seat directly across from him.

"Alexander says we must work directly with each other from now on," I stated.

"I'm aware."

"I hate you. You hate me. We've established this already. However, I've promised Alexander that we would accept our duty without complaint from now on anyhow."

"I'm aware," he said again blandly. What was wrong with him? Could he say nothing else?

The rest of the meeting went in a somewhat similar fashion. I did most of the talking, explaining what had to be done and describing the strengths and weaknesses of many of the soldiers while Cassander said very little. In fact, Cassander barely even looked at me until I got up to leave. I was about to exit his tent again, when I tentatively turned to him.

"Cassander, I'm not a savage," I stated firmly. He finally turned and looked me in the eye.

"I'm aware."


	5. men are bastards

_Thylja: wow… you get the award for reader loyalty. I apologize for the loooooong couple year hiatus. I'm gonna try to actually finish the story now. Feel free to send hate mail if I start taking too long to update. Haha. (no… but seriously…)_

_Now… on to the story…. This is gonna be a really long chapter_

I had been quite shaken after that first meeting with Cassander. "I'm aware." It was probably the nicest thing he'd ever said to me. Still, I mistrusted him. I was quite sure that he had some sort of ulterior motive… some secret trick. I recognized that what he'd said was hardly nice in the first place. He merely claimed to acknowledge that I'm not a savage. Still, the way he said it, with his eyes trapping me in my steps, was startling.

I chose to try and ignore it. It wouldn't have mattered if I hadn't though. After that first meeting, things became relatively normal between us again. We met nearly once a day and those meetings were never very pleasant. Every day I went to his tent, every day I was met with a sneering man insistent upon disagreeing with everything that came out of my mouth, every day we fought and picked at each other like little children, and every day I stormed out of his tent knowing that I would go back the next day. To say we got nothing done wouldn't be totally accurate, however. I never wanted to admit it, but those few times we actually worked together we produced brilliant strategy. Alexander had been right about him: he was clever and deadly. But so was I, and I'd never admit to Alexander that he was right.

Philotas was another problem. In my opinion, he still slept with me on a fairly frequent basis. But to him, I was "always with Cassander." True, I'd had less time for him since the campaign had started. But that was to be expected. I was a general. I had more responsibilities than he. However, I never pointed that out to him. I had more social tact than to point out to him personally that I had a higher military rank. But, I always thought that he was smart enough to put together for himself that it wasn't by choice that I spent more time with my responsibilities than with him.

Or, was it by choice?

Sometimes I felt like I had to practically convince myself that I wasn't avoiding time with Philotas. I hated myself when I caught myself thinking how much easier staying away was. I didn't want to admit to thinking that maybe Philotas and I were simply forcing a relationship that wasn't meant to be. Still, perhaps it was just me. He didn't seem to feel the same way. Nay, he seemed to worship me more with every rising sun. Perhaps I still simply didn't understand love? Maybe I really did love Philotas but didn't know it?

All these thoughts seemed to always plague my mind. Even now, the night before our battle against the Persians, once again heading towards Cassander's tent I was bombarded with troubled and confused thoughts from all sides. Perhaps that's why I didn't notice his presence before I got to the flap of Cassander's tent.

I was reaching for the flap when a strong hand grabbed me by the arm, turned my around, and pulled me back towards him. I was met with Philotas. His eyes were blood-shot and glazed over. His breathe smelled strongly of wine and his lips were curving into an awkward smirk. He was clearly quite drunk. And I did not have time to deal with this.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me hard against him. I put my hands against his chest and opened my mouth to protest the timing, but was instead met with his mouth on mine and his tongue jamming its way to the back of my throat. I REALLY didn't have time to deal with this.

I immediately gathered as much force as I could and managed to push Philotas away. Unfortunately, he wasn't incredibly coordinated in his drunken state and stumbled from the force of my shove and fell backwards onto the ground. Almost immediately, his mood changed. He jumped up, or what I assumed to be his inebriated version of jumping up, with rage in his eyes and grabbed for me. I easily dodged him. This only managed to make him angrier.

"Fucking bitch!" he screamed. His words stung a bit. But, I kept in mind that he wasn't himself at this moment.

"Stop, Philotas, you're drunk. Stop before you say something you'll regret in the morning." I'm not sure what I expected, but I didn't expect to hear him laugh. But he did laugh… or almost cackle. It was harsh and callous sounding. It wasn't the good-natured laugh of the boy I'd shared my bed with for so many years.

"Regret? Regret?!" he choked between cackles and then suddenly he was serious again, "I regret not loving a nice Grecian girl! But no… it's you I love, isn't it? You!" he said with total condescension and disgust in his voice. I could feel my eyes start prick with the tiniest of tears. I tried to hold it back as much as possible.

"Please, stop… please!"

"I'll stop when I want to, woman…" he snarled before unexpectedly lunging forward and grabbing me. He pulled me to him forcefully. I knew I'd likely have bruises on my arms where he was gripping to me. "You want me to stop, do you? Want me to play nice? Like usual? Like your little puppy. That's what I am to you isn't it?! A FUCKING PET!" It was the first time I'd ever felt any fear towards Philotas. I continued to stare straight ahead at his chin, refusing to look him in the eye, refusing to let him see my fear.

"No," I barely whispered.

"'No' you say?" he said evenly.

"No, you're not just my pet, Philotas."

"Then look me in the eye dammit! Look me in the eye, and tell me you love me," he choked with a voice which almost sounded desperate. My thoughts from earlier that evening plagued my mind. I looked Philotas in the eye, I told myself to declare my love, but perhaps it was a bit of anger from the situation he'd just put me in or maybe it was all of my earlier confusion or maybe both but I hesitated. I hesitated too long. I watched as his eyes almost physically hardened.

"Stupid savage bitch," he snarled as he raised his hand with the obvious intention of hitting me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for its impact. It never came. I opened my eyes in time to see another masculine hand, which had grabbed Philotas' hand from behind, jerk his arm all the around and behind his back forcing him to fully release me with his other hand from the pain and pull away. I backed away as quickly as possible.

I looked to see who had saved me… and was completely shocked to see Cassander. I was even more completely shocked to see Cassander's hand now raised, and to see it actually hit his fellow Greek across the jaw. Philotas fell to his knees from the force of the punch. He started to get up.

"Stay down there," Cassander commanded.

"This is none of your business, Cassander," Philotas mumbled, a hint of blood trailing down the corner of his mouth.

"On the contrary, it is my business. You were about to hit a commanding officer. Hitting a commanding officer is a very serious crime, I'm sure you know. You must be punished." I saw the fear in Philotas' eyes and felt a bit of pity for the boy at the feet of the imposing figure that was Cassander at that moment.

"Don't, Cassander," I heard myself say. Both Greeks turned and looked at me, stunned. Though, Cassander seemed obstinate. "Please." Cassander looked annoyed.

"Thalestris," he paused as if searching for a plausible argument, "those are the rules."

"No, he didn't actually hit me. Yes, he would have, but he didn't. Just…please… I want to let this go," I pleaded with him. Cassander seemed to want to argue, but in the end just made this frustrated growling noise.

"Fine. Get up, Philotas, and get out of my sight." Philotas scrambled to his feet and rushed to me, pulling me into a tight embrace. He let me go and grabbed my hand. He brushed his lips across the top of it. I jerked it away from him. Startled, he looked into my eyes and saw that I was still angry with him… whether I was helping him or not.

"Please, Thaly, please… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it… any of it. I'm sorry. Please, you have to believe me. Come… I'll take you back to your tent." I stood still. Did he honestly think all it would take was a "sorry." No, absolutely not. Besides, I still had a meeting with Cassander. I turned away from him and walked towards Cassander. I heard Philotas growl behind me.

"Of course you're going to him." I turned and faced him.

"What's that supposed to mean exactly?"

"You… you're always with him. I'm not stupid."

"Don't be daft. We have a meeting already scheduled," I gritted through my teeth.

"Yes… a meeting… you two are always meeting. Tell me, are you sleeping with him?"

"How dare you…!"

"-Yes, I dare! That's why you won't go back with me isn't it?! Got to have your nightly screw with Cassander don't you?! I've always known it! Since we were kids I've known!!"

"You ignorant prick! Why won't I go with you?! Were you not just here?! What's it matter anyways… remember… I'm just a 'stupid savage bitch' as you say?" Hearing his own words seemed to strike him somewhat, but he didn't seem to want to admit that he was wrong.

"You still haven't told me I'm wrong about you and Cassander!"

"Wha-!" I started but was cut off by an arm around my waist and the voice of Cassander, whom I'd temporarily forgotten was there.

"And maybe you're right. What're you going to do about it?" Cassander sneered at Philotas. What?! What was Cassander doing? But before I knew, Philotas was already gone, mumbling about me being a filthy slut as he went.

Cassander immediately released me and went inside his tent. No, I was not going to let him get away that easily. I followed him into the tent.

After shutting the flap behind me, I turned and saw Cassander on the other side of his table with his back facing me. Even from my distance from him, I could see all of his muscles clenching. I could see how tense Cassander was. So like a tiger hunting its prey, I approached with caution.

"Cassander?" I asked tentatively. I saw him tense up more.

"You need to leave," he stated in a flat tone. What was wrong with him? First he saves me, then he makes Philotas think I've been sleeping with him, and now he's acting like I did something to anger him.

"No, I will not leave. I want answers, and I won't be denied." He was still standing rigidly still, but he made a scoffing noise.

"No, you don't know anything about being denied what you want, do you? No, leave now. Please, get out of my tent."

"What's that supposed to mean? What would you know about denial? You've always gotten everything you've ever wanted haven't you?!" I screamed, abandoning my previous plan of caution. I grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him towards me. "Tell me I'm wrong, Cassander. Just try."

"You're wrong," he clenched out through his teeth. There was a fire in his eyes that I'd never really seen before. In some weird way it both frightened me and ensnared me at once. But I wasn't willing to back down now.

"Really? And what, please tell, have you possibly been denied?" I replied haughtily. The fire in his eyes raged even brighter.

"You," Cassander breathed. Almost immediately after the words had escaped his mouth, I felt his lips force down on mine and his hands holding my head so I wouldn't escape as I felt his mouth begging for more. Once again, I felt that spark that I felt while fighting him… sending electricity into the nerves all over my body… urging me on. But he wasn't fighting me right now. He was kissing me. And I still felt urged on. I kissed him back. I kissed back with just as much hunger, moving my hands to rest on his chest. He moaned into my mouth, sending it's vibration to my core causing me to gasp a little. He took the opening and moved his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss.

This wasn't like kissing Philotas. With Philotas, I just felt a tongue in my mouth. With Cassander, it was something completely different. It was fire, and I was burning with it from the inside out. Our tongues battled with each other, and I felt his hands start to slide down my body causing me to moan from all the sensations his hands were creating over my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to deepen the kiss. He growled and his hands finally grasped on to the top of my thighs, the sensation forcing me to wrap my legs around his torso. I could feel his hard member now hard against me making us both groan. He immediately stepped to his bed and laid me down with him on top and my legs still wrapped tight around him. I let one of my hands start running through his hair as I began rocking my pelvis against him. His mouth left mine and started kissing a trail down my neck where he bit down and began sucking, leaving his mark, as I moaned.

I slid my hands from around his neck to where the metal clasps on his toga were and undid them. As the fabric began to fall off his body, I helped push it down slowly over his well defined chest and stomach, enjoying the feeling of my fingers on his bare skin. I wanted more. With that thought, I braced my hands against his chest and flipped him onto his back as I'd done so many times before in wrestling matches. This time he let me without a trace of fight. In fact, I saw him smirk at me as if that's what he'd hoped for. I decided to kiss that smarmy look off his face. He didn't seem to mind, as his hand immediately found my hair while his mouth worked against mine. I started to kiss a trail down his neck and then finally worked my way down his chest and began to nip and tease at his nipples causing him to grind up against me and groan.

"O gods… Thalestris…oo," he moaned. Hearing my name moaned from his lips sounded so foreign to me. But, it was in a good way… like that's what I'd always wanted to hear my name sound like but never knew it until just then. I wanted to hear it more. I began to move my mouth further down his abdomen, pushing his clothing further off of him as I went. When I'd finally made my way to his waist, I made the final effort to pull his toga the rest of the way off, and then repositioned myself where I had been. I reached my hand out to his throbbing member and stroked its length gently with my index finger. I looked over the squirming body of this male Adonis whom had been my enemy since childhood. I saw his eyes closed, half in pleasure and half in frustrated pain from my teasing. All those years of trying to overpower him and now I had. Though, I still felt as if he were holding the power still somehow… as if I were hypnotized by him entirely.

"Thalestris…" he groaned. Yes, finally, he said it again. He opened his eyes, reached up, and flipped me under him in a way that only a true fighter could. Once again his mouth came crashing hungrily down on mine. I felt his hands working between us to remove my clothes as well. Once he finally had my clothes on the floor he began to work his way down my body as I had done to him… with me gasping and moaning. His mouth was nipping and licking at one of my nipples when I suddenly felt a finger slip into my folds eliciting a long moan from my throat. He began to move it in and out slowly and then added two more fingers.

"Cassander…" I heard myself moan in a heavy voice. I opened my eyes when I noticed that he'd stopped his oral ministrations on my breasts to see that he was smiling… actually smiling… the first actual smile I'd ever seen on his face. He was a god. I couldn't help but reach out and gently caress the contours of his face. He closed his eyes at the feel of my almost loving gesture as if drinking it in. He reopened his eyes, looking straight back into mine. I could almost physically see the desire in them. It burned with a heat that took us both into flames. He began kissing me again, this time gently… sensuously… positioning himself above me, ready to finally end the teasing and enter me. I closed my eyes as I began to feel him slide into me.

"No, look me in the eye. I want you to remember who it is you're with right now," he managed to get out, while starting to pant, as he rocked back and forth in and out of me. Had my mind not been completely clouding over with lust, pleasure, desire, and a need to feel more of him, I likely might have asked what he meant by that. Instead I did as he said and looked straight into his eyes raising my hips to every thrust he made. After a while, I felt myself getting closer to my max. I panted his name under my breathe, urging him on. Eventually, the heat had spread throughout my entire body. I felt my muscles begin to tighten… and then bliss. We came at the same time. We finally broke eye contact as he crashed down next to me onto his bed.

We lied there for a while, his hand still caressing my stomach, unwilling to brake the moment. Outside the tent, we finally heard the voices of soldiers around the camp. I remembered where I was. I remembered who I was with. I was suddenly confused about what all of this meant. Did this change us?

Cassander suddenly stirred, propping his head onto his hand so that he was looking down at me. A smirk was playing on his face. I could sense a distinct change in his demeanor. This wasn't the Cassander I'd just made love to. This Cassander was the one who'd called the guards on me so many years ago. What had happened?

"You look confused, darling. What? I thought you'd be appreciative to know what sex with a real man was like," he said in a somewhat cold manner. I could feel myself begin to pale. What had I been thinking? This was Cassander. This was my sworn enemy. Everything seemed clear now. It was a trick. All of it… from his little display out with Philotas to now. I'd fallen for it. He'd beaten me. His dream was finally realized. Cassander had had total control over me, and I'd let him. Hades, I'd helped him. I thought I was going to be sick… or… maybe even cry. I scrambled up and out of his bed, dressing as quickly as I could… feeling his eyes on me the entire time. I cast one last glare at him before rushing out of his tent as fast as I could. I hated Cassander. I loathed him. The idea of his touch made me feel queasy.

In my hurry to escape to my tent to either throw up or cry (I still wasn't sure which), I missed the look of utter grief that consumed Cassander's features as he watched me storm out of his tent.


	6. Threats

I stumbled into my tent holding back my sobs. I wasn't sure whether they were from hurt or anger. It was very possible that they were both. I fell onto my cot, hoping to all the gods that I might sink into the blankets and disappear. I rolled over onto my stomach and buried my face into a pillow hoping to muffle my choking sobs.

I hadn't cried like this since I was a little girl, since I'd first found out that I could never go back to the Amazons actually. I blamed Cassander for that too. It seemed that almost everything bad that had ever happened in my life stemmed from that horrid excuse for a man. No, he wasn't an excuse for a man. He was a man. This is what men did. My mother had told me this long ago. It shamed me how easily I often forgot the lessons from my girlhood as a true Amazon.

I finally gained control of my tears, but was still left with a massive headache and queasy stomach. I unceremoniously reached under my cot for a leather pouch, which held my own private store of wine, and proceeded to take swig after swig until I felt my pain drift away. I knew it was only a temporary fix, but for an hour or so I simply wanted to forget Cassander… and Philotas… and even who I was. Soon I drifted into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I found myself being shaken awake by Alexander. My headache was back full force and I was feeling rather ill. I was ashamed to admit that I did indeed have a hangover.

Alexander stared at me with confusion, until he noticed the empty wine pouch lying next to my cot and suddenly became extremely stern.

"Thalestris, what in Hades were you thinking drinking that much last night?! The night before a BATTLE of all nights?" I wanted to smack myself for my weakness and stupidity. How could I have possibly forgotten about the battle today? I rushed to try and reassure Alexander of my condition.

"No, no… I'm perfectly fine Alexander. I was born ready to fight. You don't have to worry."

"I better not, Thaly," he said with a look of skepticism, "I need you in highest form today."

"And that's what you'll get, Alex. You have my word." Alexander seemed to accept my assurances and made his way out of my tent. The moment he left, I plopped back onto my cot and willed my head to stop hurting. After a few moments, I felt as if I'd at least gotten used to the pain and began to prepare myself for war. I had a job to do.

Then it dawned on me: Cassander. I'd have to work with Cassander today. I didn't want to face him. However, I knew that I didn't have a choice. I would simply have to show him that I did not care. Make him know that he meant nothing to me at all. With that, I sheathed my knife and sword and walked out of my tent.

Unfortunately, Cassander wasted no time in making his presence known. As I began to round up the horses and their men, I couldn't help but grimace at the effect the pounding hooves were having on my head. I immediately felt a presence standing directly behind me. Were I to lean back ever so slightly, I knew that we would touch.

"Anyone ever tell you that drinking the night before a battle was a bad idea? Tsk tsk," I felt Cassander's breathe tickle my ear as he whispered to me. I tensed up, holding myself back from turning and striking him in front of our men. "What's wrong… _Thaly_…? Get upset by something last night? O, and can I call you Thaly now too? I assume it's only appropriate not that we've…" he trailed off his words, merely letting his hand do the talking by caressing the small of my back causing me to shiver slightly, "And you enjoyed it didn't you?"

I was at my wits end. I felt my stomach begin to get queasy again. It took all of my strength not to turn and run Cassander through with my knife.

"Back away, Cassander," I forced out through gritted teeth, "I'm not above killing you right here, right now." Cassander backed away slightly, though he still did not completely leave my space.

"But we both know that you are. You would not disappoint Alexander in such a way." He was right. We both knew that I would not do anything to him, not then. I turned to face him. "Besides," he continued in a low voice, looking me dead in the eye, "you're going to want more."

I had had enough. I stepped closer to him, causing a slightly shocked expression to pass over his face briefly.

"Listen to me, Cassander, and listen carefully," I threatened in almost a whisper, forcing him to truly listen, "I may not kill you here. But anything can happen during the chaos of a battle. In any case, if any Persian wishes your death, I can't say I feel much obliged to stop him." I stepped even closer to him, closing off almost any space between us so that I could speak almost directly into his ear. "Keep in mind, Cassander, that you are more vulnerable than you think you are."

With that, I stepped back and gave him the most meaningful look that I could muster. Cassander seemed to lose some of his confidence. However, he crossed his arms over his chest and simply replied, "Well, we will see who is truly vulnerable today, won't we?" With that, he mounted his horse and trotted off towards his ranks.

I exhaled a long breathe which I had not realized I had been holding. I too mounted my steed. Before galloping off to my own position, I smiled to myself. Today, Cassander would meet his fate. Yet, for some reason, the idea didn't seem to bring me as much satisfaction as I'd once imagined it might.


	7. The Battle

Back by popular demand… or something like that…. I'm once again going to try and finish this thing. It's not that I don't have a story in mind, it's the finding the time to write it out and attempt to make it good that I struggle with. So, to those of you who reviewed (and even one of you who actually e-mailed me)… this is for you. I really appreciate your enthusiasm and encouragement.

My horse kicks up clouds of dirt as I push her to turn and flick faster and with more agility than that of a human while I jab my sword and even physically punch a few Persians who swarm around me. The battle has been going for quite some time now… but I can't be sure how long exactly. I'm only really conscious of the build up of the grime of war over my skin: sweat, dirt, and both the blood of Persians and even some of my own blood bathe me from head to toe. All the Amazonian and Greek training in the world could not have fully prepared me for the actual feeling of my sword piercing another man's flesh. But, I always remember that it's either him or me: if I don't kill him, he'll kill me.

Once again, I thrust my sword into the chest of yet another follower of Darius. I would never admit to the Greeks that I am almost surprised that I have gone this unharmed thus far into the battle. I would stab myself before telling any of them how often I'd thought to myself during this battle of how hard it really is to keep my mind steady over the constant noises of warfare: the clashing, the screaming, the simple sound of constant movement. It has been a while since I've even been truly aware of the whereabouts of any of the other Greeks. My only thought up to now has simply been to kill and to survive. But now, I hear a familiar voice. The only voice which could possibly steel my attention and stand out through the constant stream of noise. Cassander. I steal a moment to scan my surroundings, remembering my earlier vow to kill him.

However, when I finally spot him, I realize that I probably will not have to. I watch as Cassander swings and dives around the ground, having apparently long ago lost both his horse and his sword and is now attempting to fight off a Persian soldier with only his dagger. I watch as Cassander turns to search for another weapon, and in his negligence, the Persian manages a blow to his shoulder. I can hear Cassander's voice distinctly cutting through the air as he cries out in pain and falls to the ground holding his shoulder. The Persian begins to move in on him. This is it, I realize. The moment I was waiting for. But now is when I feel my heart clench. I can't help but take in that I'm not enjoying this scene at all as I thought I would. Despite everything, all the hate I feel for him, I can't watch him die. It disgusts me to realize that I don't actually want him dead.

I begin to push my way forward towards him as fast as possible, jumping from my horse as I go in order to move forward more quickly and swinging my sword wildly at every Persian dumb enough to get in the way of an Amazon on a mission. I'm almost to him now, but my heart races at the sight of his Persian raising his sword in preparation to give Cassander, who is now helpless on the ground, his fatal blow. I lunge forward, thrusting my own sword as far out as possible to try and shield Cassander. I'm just in time, I realize, as I feel the Persian's weapon clash with mine. I quickly compose myself from my desperate lunge and force the offensive sword back up and away from Cassander. The Persian looks at me with surprise and anger. He recovers and swings his sword at me instead. My adrenaline is still there from my original block of his sword and I find myself swinging my sword right back at him again and again. I realize that I'm swinging, dodging and turning without any conscious thought. Finally I disarm him and pierce him through the heart. As the Persian's body falls to the ground, I let my sword finally drop to my side in exhaustion. I turn around to see Cassander still on the ground, staring at me without any emotion. In fact, it's almost as if he is in a trance. He finally seems to break out of his trance, but continues to stare. Instead, we are both now staring into each other's eyes in confusion. Neither of us speaks to each other. I doubt whether either of us can actually even think of anything to say at all to explain what just happened. The silent staring contest seems to grow awkward as more time passes. Finally, we are both saved by the sound of the Persians horns of retreat. We both break eye contact as we look around to see the remaining Persians running back towards their own lines, which are retreating. We have won. Relief and joy wash through my body. I turn back towards Cassander to see that he has already managed to stand again. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but instead stops himself and shakes his head and turns to walk away. 'That's it?? He's not even going to thank me for saving his life?' I think to myself feeling my anger rise.

"Cassander!" I yell after him, "Is that it?! You're not going to say anything?!" He stops and slowly turns to face me.

"What would you have me say? I never asked for you to risk your life for mine!" I stared at him incredulously. "Besides," he continues, "I thought you wanted me dead. So much for that, huh? Suppose you really do want more." I can't believe what I'm hearing. I can feel my blood boiling.

"No, Cassander, you're right. I do want you dead. I made a mistake. I'll be sure not to make it again." I turn away from him quickly and search out my horse. I picked through the bodies scattered around the landscape, scanning the area for my lost steed.

"Thalestris," I heard another familiar voice say behind me. I turned to see Philotas holding the reigns of my horse staring at as if he were afraid to speak. We stare at each other for a moment, until I then see a single tear leave his eye and trail down his cheek. The anger I'd felt the night before began to melt away.

"Philotas," I began softly, but was cut off by his arms enveloping me and pulling me close to his body. I could feel him shaking.

"I looked for you during the battle. I couldn't ever find you. I was scared, Thaly, so so scared." He pulled away so he could look into my eyes. "I couldn't sleep at all last night. I felt completely sick, thinking about what happened. I- I couldn't find you, and I thought I'd lost my chance forever. But here you are. I should have known you would be alive. But please, just tell me that it's not too late. Tell me I haven't lost you forever. I love you more than anything. I would die if I lost you." I stare at him, slightly stunned. I had expected that he would try to get me back. However, I hadn't anticipated such a speech, especially so soon… and on the battlefield no less. I still can't get the image of his drunken rage with him poised and ready to strike me out my head. Philotas sees my hesitation. "I'm a jealous fool, Thalestris. You're so beautiful, I can't help it. You've never given me a reason to doubt you ever, and last night I proved just how much I don't deserve you. But, I'm still asking you to take me back anyways. To think I accused you so much of being with Cassander, when I know you'd never touch him, it makes me ashamed of myself." I can't look him in the eye anymore. I can feel the guilt washing over me at his words, knowing just how right he'd turned out to be. I take a deep breath, knowing what has to be done. I turn back to look at him, my golden haired Philotas of the last 10 years.

"You're forgiven, Philotas." I see relief and bliss visibly overcome all of his features as he pulls me to him again.

"I truly don't deserve you, Thaly." Once again, I feel that twinge of guilt but push it out of my mind and embrace him back.

After a few moments in each other's arms, we finally separate and stand somewhat awkwardly in front of each other, unsure of what to say next. Philotas laughs, wiping a few of the stray tears still on his face away and re-grabs the reigns of my horse and hands them to me.

"I believe these are yours." I laughed in response.

"Yeah, I was looking for those."

"How did you lose them in the first place? Were you knocked off?" he asks with a hint of concern. I hesitate, unsure of whether or not to tell him that I'd jumped off my horse in order to save Cassander.

"Eh… don't worry about it. I'm fine. The battle was chaotic. Honestly, it's kind of a blur. I can't really even recall how I lost my horse actually," I said with a shrug. He stared at me for a moment as if trying to understand how someone could not remember how he or she lost his or her horse, but in the end decided to just smile and shrug and take my word.

"Yeah, the battle was pretty chaotic. I'm just glad you're safe," he says as I mount my horse. I hold my hand out to him.

"Come, I'll give you a ride back to camp." Philotas agrees and mounts behind me. We begin our ride back to camp. On the way there, we pass some medics working on Cassander's shoulder.

"Hmm, I wonder what happened to Cassander," Philotas ponders from behind me. I struggle not to tense up.

"Who knows? Pity he didn't die though." I say the last part with conviction. Philotas snickers.

"Good for him you weren't around. You probably would have helped kill him, huh?" I feel myself tense up, but pray Philotas does not. I laugh awkwardly.

"Yeah," I say, "good thing for him." Philotas says no more, but unfortunately, though he says nothing, he did indeed feel me tense up at the mention of what may have happened to Cassander.


	8. We'll See About That

I looked around me in complete and utter awe. Everything in sight was just so incredibly exotic: the massive crowd of people, the colors, the smells, the animals, all of it. It was actually kind of overwhelming. I could see the gigantic palace of Darius up ahead and felt a flutter of anticipation in my stomach. The treasures and wonders those walls must store I imagined to be beyond my comprehension. We were, at last, marching into the Persian capital city of Babylon, and the only thing dampening my mood was that I had to enjoy the splendor of this occasion while riding horse-shoulder to horse-shoulder with Cassander.

I had been avoiding Cassander as much as possible in the last few days since the battle. Largely, I had wanted to make sure Philotas had no excuse to go near him. Philotas may have accepted my story, but I knew that I could not trust Cassander to play along. I imagined it would absolutely thrill him to reveal my lie. So, I had simply taken every last pain to make sure that he did not get the chance. But, I could not avoid him now. My only saving grace was that Philotas was not in ear shot.

I chanced a glance at Cassander to see him staring at his surroundings with such a look of childish wonder that it almost made me able to forget how completely unlike an innocent child he truly was. In truth, I couldn't help but smirk at the fact that he had forgotten all about his typically cool and smug mask that he usually wore. However, as soon as I did, he noticed my watchful gaze as well as my reaction to him and immediately put his wall back up. However, I only grinned at this change as I was rather pleased that he definitely knew that I saw him.

"Yes, Cassander, by all means do not allow anyone to know that you have a single drop of humanity in your body. Why that would just be a catastrophe!" I said while feigning a look of horror at the idea. He merely arched an eyebrow at me before responding.

"Oh? So you're speaking to me again are you? I knew you couldn't stay away forever," he smirked. My grin fell right off my face.

"Why, Cassander, I'm absolutely honored that you noticed my absence in your life. Did you really miss me that much?" I replied curtly. I saw something of a flash of emotion on his face which was the only evidence he gave that my statement had had any effect on him. However, he responded as if I hadn't spoken.

"I suppose it must have been difficult to have to go back to little Philotas after having tasted what I can offer. I knew it was only a matter of time before you were trying to get back under me," he mused while leering at me. Of course he would have to remind me of that horrid, horrid mistake I had made with him days ago. Just the thought of it made me feel incredibly ill… and angry at the insufferable man riding next to me. I should have let him die.

"You know, if you keep offering like this I'm going to assume that you're desperate. But, don't worry, I'm sure the streets of Babylon are crawling with prostitutes… you know, women more of your level… who would be more than happy to help you out. For a fee of course." I could see Cassander's face contort with rage. I'd hit a my mark: I'd insulted his Greek pedigree by suggesting that he mix with low class Persians… and that he would have to pay for it as well. Content with ending the argument there, I was pleased to find that we had reached the palace and trotted away from Cassander before he could respond. I met up with Philotas who observed my victorious smile with confusion until he noticed I had left an enraged Cassander not too far behind me and began to laugh. Noticing this, Cassander seemed to become even more enraged and made to swing off his horse and come towards us. Panicking, I grabbed Philotas' arm and ran towards the castle.

"Let's not wait around to see what he has to say! I'd much rather see the palace…" I yelled while I ran, dragging Philotas. Philotas did not argue, only laughed and followed.

We ran to palace until we reached where Alexander and Hephaistion were walking. Alexander, like Philotas had done, gave me a quizzical expression. I just smiled and shrugged while pointing my thumb back at where I imagined Cassander was following. Alexander rolled his eyes while Hephaistion struggled to stifle a snort.

"O for the love of Zeus, Thaly, why did you have to get Cassander in a foul mood on such a glorious day?" Alexander questioned sternly. I gave him the most innocent look I could.

"Now why must you assume that it was me?" Hephaistion had to turn and cover his mouth to hide his laughter as I had finished my statement well within earshot of Cassander, who was now standing behind me glowering at the back of my head. Alexander merely nodded in his direction as proof. I turned to see the expression and merely shrugged.

"OK, fine… but he started it." Cassander made to reply but Alexander stopped him.

"Enough! The both of you just call it quits for the day. And Hephaistion, please stop laughing. It only encourages this." Hephaistion managed to stifle it, but was still grinning. Cassander just stalked ahead. And I gave Alexander the most charming smile I could.

"I swear... sometimes I can't decide whether I am leading an army or playing nursemaid to a bunch of children," Alexander moaned while shaking his head. "Oh well," he continued, "let's not waste anymore time. I want to see my prize." He grinned as he finished his sentence and turned towards the palace entry.

We walked (well, skipped would probably be a more accurate term if I were to put pride aside and tell the truth) around the entire palace taking in all of the splendor which Darius had left behind. I would have probably called that sort of opulence sickening were it not that it all now belonged to us.

At some point, I lost Philotas to Darius' vast armory. As I could not stand to look at the elegant weaponry for as long as the boys in my company, I decided to continue the tour by myself. I walked through the corridors aimlessly until I came to a large set of heavy double-doors. Curious, I pushed them open to find myself looking in on what appeared to be a large indoor sanctuary. It was lush with vegetation, but opulent all the same just as every other room appeared to be in the palace. However, the most interesting feature of the room was that it was filled with beautiful, half-dressed women as well as several young, attractive men… also half-dressed. This, I surmised, must be Darius' harem.

"Charming," I muttered to myself with slight disgust. Men really were incredibly base. In that moment I felt a presence directly behind me and breathe on my ear. I tensed up but did not move. I already knew who it had to be.

"Cassander, you really must stop approaching me in this manner. It's hardly appropriate," I stated quietly but firmly. I could almost hear him smirk.

"And why do you assume that I wish to be… appropriate… with you," he murmured into my ear stressing the word 'appropriate' with obvious innuendo, "You and I both know how much fun being inappropriate can be," he continued while allowing the back of his index finger to caress the small of my back. Despite my mental disgust, goose bumps popped up all over my body. I suddenly longed for the days before I'd slept with him like a mother yearns for a lost child. Physical threats were so much simpler to deal with than all this innuendo. I suppose he took my silence for an inability to speak, so he continued.

"I should have known I would find you in a harem. The surroundings suit you. And as you said, prostitutes really are more my level. So what do you say? I house and clothe you, and in exchange, you become my sex slave…" I knew he was only trying to get a rise out of me, so I took a deep breathe to calm my rage before I turned to face him. His face was an inch from mine with his eyes boring holes into mine with their intensity.

"Dearest Cassander," I said with a sweet smile as I reached to gently hold his cheek in my hand, "how low you must feel to realize that threatening me with your sword will never scare me, but threatening me with sex turns my stomach every time." I could see his expression darken. I stepped closer so that I could whisper into his ear. "Honestly, darling, I almost take it as a compliment. It seems it's not me who wants more… it's you." I felt his arms suddenly wrap around my waist and hold me flush against his body, shocking me slightly.

"Perhaps I do. But you were screaming my name just as loudly as I was screaming yours, Thalestris, and you know it. So stop fighting this." He said each word with such genuine intensity that my mind was scrambled with the implications. I broke free of his grip and slightly stumbled backwards, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Stop," was the only word I could manage to say. Though I couldn't be sure to whom I was speaking, him or my body which was yearning to agree with him. This was not right. This was Cassander. I hated Cassander and he hated me. Just ask anyone. And then there was Philotas. I could not betray Philotas… and certainly not for Cassander. I was positive that Cassander could see the war of emotions on my face, but he stood motionless: watching… waiting.

Suddenly Alexander, Hephaistion, Philotas, and the rest came bursting in from an entrance on the other end of the sanctuary somewhat breaking the tension which had built up between myself and Cassander. For the first time, I realized that all of the harem girls and eunuchs were watching us. I glanced about them and then back and forth between Cassander and Philotas (who had thankfully not noticed us yet, as he was too busy noticing that he was in a room full of half-dressed women). I needed to send a message without being too obvious. So I simply responded to Cassander a little bit more loudly than I usually would have to make sure that our audience heard.

"I'm not with you, Cassander. I'm with Philotas," I stated pointing in Philotas' direction. I turned quickly to walk away towards my true lover, but not before I heard Cassander's bitter reply.

"We'll see about that."

I paused only momentarily in my steps giving him only the briefest glances. My mind was filled with confused questions. Surely he didn't mean what he seemed to mean by that.


	9. Whatever It Takes

Creaking. Panting. Grunting. Sweat. Finally, he reaches bliss. At last, he goes to sleep. These were my nights with Philotas now. I wasn't sure why my body had decided to betray me, but it had. No longer could I enjoy Philotas as I once had. Instead, I found my mind drifting during sex. I found myself preoccupied with war, horses, and what I'd eaten that day in the midst of what used to occupy my mind and body fully. Only when he would begin to reach his climax would I remember where I was and what I was doing long enough to feign similar ecstasy. Unfortunately, that really was all I was ever doing: feigning it. My body had forsaken Philotas, and I knew why. And, the guilt was excruciating.

However, my guilt did not help my frustration. I was guilty, but I was irritated with the situation also. Every night, after Philotas would fall asleep, I would go for walks around the palace to let off steam. Perhaps part of the problem was that we had been in Babylon for far longer than anticipated. Maybe I was restless for something productive to do. I supposed I should speak to Alexander soon about it before I went mad and did something I'd regret. I'd even considered going back to the harem and trying one of the eunuchs on for size. But, I knew that would be no good. For one, the idea of sleeping with a professional lover just seemed cheap. Moreover, I had a sneaking suspicion that my body would no longer respond to anyone except that one person I had vowed never to touch again… at least in THAT way. So instead I paced the halls like an agitated lion.

One night, after Philotas had finally fallen asleep, I carefully removed myself from our bed so as not to wake him, dressed, and slipped out into the hall for my normal late night walk. I found myself walking down the hall in which the royal quarters were, and decided to pay Alexander a visit. It had been a long time since we had really talked. I nodded to the guards posted outside, and they immediately let me through. When I entered the bed chamber, I saw Alexander in a fine Persian robe reading a letter with a rather perturbed expression. He hadn't noticed me come in, so I cleared my throat to get his attention. He jumped slightly, but gave me a half-grin when he saw me standing at the foot of the bed.

"Thaly, you're up late," he greeted. I smiled and nodded.

"Can't sleep."

"Nightmares?" he questioned with a playful grin.

"Yeah, they're about you," I responded with a wryly grin. Alexander laughed.

"Yes, I suppose I am rather intimidating," he pronounced with an air of bravado. I snorted at the idea of Alexander being intimidating… at least to me. I said no more however. I simply walked over to his large balcony and stared out over the city. When I turned back around, I noticed that Alexander was again glaring holes through his letter.

"You know, Alex, if looks could kill… I think that letter in your hands would have burst into flames by now." Alexander rolled his eyes at me playfully, but I could tell he was still troubled.

"Alright, tell me what's wrong," I demanded. Alexander hesitated at first, but then sighed in defeat.

"It's from my mother," he stated. Well, that explained a lot. Alexander and his mother had a very strange relationship. She was obsessed with him, while he both loved and hated her at the same time. There had been times when I'd understood his hate for her, but I could never help but recall the woman who had saved me as a young child from first snake poison and then from the wrath of her husband. I suppose I felt indebted to her. However, I was still curious about why Alexander would be so upset by what she had to say.

"And?" I pressed. He sighed once more.

"She wants to come here," he stated.

"Is that really THAT bad?" I asked. He gave me a withering glare.

"You may like her, Thaly, but that's only because you don't know her like I do." I had to concede that point. So, I nodded.

"OK, so tell her it's too dangerous." Alexander laughed.

"Are you serious? As if danger would scare her. Besides, that's not all the letter says." I raised my eyebrow as if to urge him to continue.

"She wants me to take a wife… so that I may produce an heir." I paused for a moment to process that information. Honestly, it was sensible advice. But, it was advice which Alexander would have a hard time allowing himself to take considering his heart was not up for grabs.

"Hephaistion," I stated simply. Alexander suddenly crumpled the letter and threw it across the room and stared despondently out the window behind me.

"Yes. Hephaistion," he responded morosely while still looking out the window. I breathed deeply, as if clearing my head might help me find a way to alleviate my friend's pain. Nothing came to me, so I crossed the room to sit next to Alexander on the edge of his bed. We sat in silence for a moment. I finally broke that silence.

"You know Hephaistion would understand," I said softly, "I'm sure he's seen this day coming. He knows that you will need an heir to your empire. And… well… that's just something he can't give you." Alexander groaned and put his head in his hands. When he finally looked up, his eyes were blood shot from his effort to hold back tears. I was a little stunned by the sudden emotional visual of pure pain that he was showing me. It broke my heart just a little to see my best friend in such a state.

"I don't want him to understand, Thaly. That's the horrible part. I wouldn't want him to just let me go. The idea of him stepping aside without a fight … it would be like I meant nothing to him," he cried. I put my arm around him in what I hoped was a comforting manner.

"O, Alexander, you know that's not true…"

"Yes, I know it… but it would feel as if I meant nothing. And I just can't take the idea of even pretending to love someone besides him. He is my Hephaistion, Thalestris. Never will there ever be another. In my mind… in my heart… there is only him." Alexander slumped in such a defeated manner that I had never witnessed on him before that I ached for his pain. It was not typical for Alexander to be so candid about his emotions, so I knew that his love for Hephaistion must be deeper than even I had ever suspected. So deep that, despite the pain and complications, I envied it.

I could see that Alexander was doing his best, still, to hide his weakness as much as possible. So, I decided to alleviate the strain on him and leave. I gave him a pat on the head and walked for the door, only glancing back once more right before I exited to see his partial mask become officially non-existent. And the pain that was written all over his face broke my heart for him once more.

I walked out into the hall and breathed the calm, cool air somewhat happy to be rid of the emotionally charged atmosphere of Alexander's room that night. I knew not to say it to him that night, but I knew it was inevitable: Alexander would take a wife and Hephaistion would step aside. But, it wouldn't be out of indifference, as Alexander feared… but out of love… out of recognition for what had to be done to help Alexander succeed as a ruler. Their love, enviable as it was, was tragic.

At the very least, my trip to see Alexander had left me emotionally tired and ready to finally fall asleep. So I began to make my way towards my shared room with Philotas. However, when I got closer to the door of our room, I saw light creeping out from the crack at the bottom. I knew I hadn't left a light on, so that must have meant that Philotas had woken up in my absence. I hesitated briefly. I had never told him of my nightly walks. I worried he would read into it, but nevertheless I took a big breathe and entered the room. I would have to go in eventually anyhow.

Entering the room, I saw him sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to me. He appeared to be staring at the blank wall in front of him. My heart really did ache for him. Despite everything, he really had been there for me over the years. No matter what, he would always be a dear friend. No matter what, he'd always be my Philotas.

I crept towards him as quietly as possible until I reached the bed. I edged myself on top of it as gently as possible. I knew that he had to have noticed my presence by then, but he still hadn't acknowledged me. I crawled to where he sat, wrapping my legs around his waist and hugging his back to my chest as I rested my chin on his shoulder. He relaxed into me but still said nothing. He still continued to stare at the wall. Finally, he moved one of his hands to rest on top of one of mine and gently caressed the back of it with his thumb. Internally I was screaming at myself for harming this gentle boy whose only crime had been making the mistake of loving a girl incapable of returning his love the way he needed it returned. I wanted so badly to be able to give him what he wanted. I chastely kissed the shoulder which my chin had been resting on and felt him swallow hard in response, as if holding back tears. I couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Please speak to me, Philotas," I begged in a whisper.

"Did you save Cassander's life?" he asked quietly. I felt my body tense at the sudden and unwanted question. I suppose that was enough of a response for Philotas, because before I was able to actually speak he had removed himself from my arms and had stood. He stepped to the wall which his eyes had bore holes into moments earlier and slumped against it, now staring at me instead.

"I'm losing you, Thaly." It wasn't a question, but a sad acknowledgment of the truth. However, I was still unwilling to acknowledge it openly.

"Just because I saved him doesn't mean I want him," I gently argued. He smiled sadly at my effort to placate the situation. But it was only a brief smile.

"No, you're right. Saving him doesn't mean that you want him. But… lying about it does, I think." My jaw tensed at his observation. He was right, of course. Hiding something meant I had something to hide.

"I regret saving him, Philotas. And that's the honest truth." Again, he smiled at my efforts.

"No, you regret wanting him." His words pierced me through the core. A small voice seemed to whisper that it was all true, but I was still unwillingly to believe it openly.

"I DO NOT want him," I stated firmly. He shook his head at me with an endearing look like an indulgent father shakes his head at his foolish, stubborn child. He did not believe me.

"Either way, you don't want me." I could feel the panic rising in my mind. I became almost frantic internally as I searched for some way to prove him wrong, even though we both knew it was true what he said. I jumped from my seat on the bed and clung to him. I kissed the crook of his neck before resting my head in the same spot. I felt his arms immediately wrap around me.

"I'm not ready to let go of you, Philotas," I declared fiercely. I heard him sigh.

"Well, that's good news." I could hear the hesitant smile in his voice. "But I'm not going to force you stay with me. I want all of you, Thalestris."

"I want that too," I replied. And it was the truth. I really did want to give my heart to him.

"Good, I want you to fight for me. Even if you're just fighting yourself. Because I'm going to fight for you too. I'm not ready to let go of you either," he declared.

"I'll do whatever I can," I promised. I felt him nod his head.

"And I'll do whatever it takes."

A chill ran through my body as I was suddenly reminded of Cassander's words to me only days earlier, "We'll see about that." I hugged Philotas closer, mentally shielding him from my thoughts.


	10. Great Expectations

_AN: Ok… no good excuse for this absence. However, I was feeling nostalgic and looked my story up. I noticed that people seem to still be reading it. Due to that fact, and because I hate it when an author of a story I start to like just stops, I will attempt yet again to finish what I started. Again… very sorry. I hope this makes up for it to some degree. _

Ch. 9

I woke late the following morning. I suppose my emotional exhaustion from the previous night's confrontation with Philotas must have taken more out of me than I realized. Still, without opening my eyes to greet the sun yet, I put my arm out to touch the man in question. However, I was met only with cold bedding. Surprised, I opened my eyes to see what my arm already knew: Philotas was not in bed beside me. I scrunched my face in confusion. 'Where could he be? Was he angrier with my waning emotions than he'd let on last night? But he'd said that he was not ready to give up on me yet… and I had told him that I was not yet ready to give him up either…' Finally, my mental monologue was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Can't seem to find your lover? What a shame. Perhaps I should warm your bed in his place." My head jerked to the door to see Cassander leaning against the threshold, smirking that diabolical smirk. My stomach flipped at the sight of him, and I tried to convince myself that it was nausea. What Philotas did not seem to realize was that I was not only hiding the truth from him, but I was also trying to desperately hide it from myself. I knew this, but wild horses dragging me through the Persian desert would not pull that truth from my lips. I refused to acknowledge it. I desired only to go back to a time before that stupid night when I had allowed myself to get lost in Cassander…. To a time I could truly believe that my body's reactions to this hateful man before me were aversion instead of attraction. At the very least, I could say with the utmost honesty that my attraction made me nauseous. So, I guess I could continue to say that Cassander made me nauseous, at least indirectly. Yet, his presence in my chamber making his usual innuendos was truly inappropriate.

"Can a man as cold you truly warm a bed?" I questioned innocently. Before I could register his actions, he had cut across the distance between the door and my bed, slid over my body, and trapped my forearms on either side of my head to the bed with his hands. His eyes bored into mine from only centimeters away. His voice was husky and low.

"We both know how well I can set your skin on fire. But, if you think it was a fluke, I'd be happy to demonstrate again." My heart was beating out of my chest to such a degree that I was certain Cassander could feel it; my skin was tingling from the millions of goose bumps. I stared back into Cassander's eyes. My mind had gone blank. I felt speechless. I could feel the heavy rise and fall of Cassander's chest as his breathing began to deepen. I can only imagine that my arousal was just as apparent. I was aware of every inch of his body which covered my own. I could feel the nerves under my skin jumping out to reach for him. I ached, and I had to give him credit… I was indeed scorching from the heat of the situation… from him. But, I could not do this. I closed my eyes.

"No," I stated as firmly as I could, given the circumstances. But I did not feel him move. Instead, I heard him speak again in that same husky voice.

"Open your eyes and tell me no." The task was simple… the execution remained elusive. I braced myself to look him in the eye. However, just as my eyes began to crack open and my mouth began to form the desired word, one of his hands released my forearm and he began to lightly and slowly scratch his way down the sensitive skin on the inside of my arm, and "no" came out sounding more like "oooo." He remained expressionless, merely kept staring into me. And, just as I was about to regain control once more, I was again thwarted as he had ducked his head and began lightly ghosting his lips across the skin on my neck. The sensation of these light touches was indescribable. All I wished to do at that moment was forget everything: who I was, who he was, our supposed hatred, Philotas, the world. I wanted to forget everything except what he was doing and could do to me. I just wanted to let go. I could feel his lips traveling along my jaw line. He was coming heart-poundingly close to my own lips. He was being so gentle… so unlike himself. It was hard to recall the brutal terror I knew that he could be. The wall between myself and my desires was crumbling, but still somewhat holding. The tip of his nose lightly grazed my cheek and his cheek softly rested against my own and his free attempted to pull me into him… almost like a hug. The subtle sweetness of the moment combined with my arousal and the wall came crashing down. My free hand went straight to his beautiful hair and pulled his lips to mine. He did not hesitate to respond. This kiss was deep, it was passionate, and I lost myself to it completely. I began to wrap my legs around his torso in order to pull his pelvis against mine. I wanted to feel his own desire. But, just as my wish was granted, he pulled away. In my confusion, he unlatched my legs from around him and moved away from where I was. I felt cold suddenly, and the disappointment was surly evident on my face. I could not voice the question on the tip of my tongue, but I did not need to. He answered without my asking, his damnable smirk back on his face.

"Not now. If you want me, you will come to me." My desire and confusion began to turn to anger. That arrogant jerk! For the second time in my life, my actions with Cassander came crashing down on me. How was it so easy for him to get under my skin like this?

"Never. I would die first." He chuckled at my response.

"You will. And that will be a very satisfying day… for you as well." My face was beginning to redden both from embarrassment as well as anger.

"Get. Out." Again he laughed. He turned to leave, but not before turning one last time at the door.

"Oh, by the way, I came to tell you that we are leaving in an hour. We travel further east. Philotas is out preparing for the trek. Though, I suppose you've forgotten that you wanted to know where he was at this point." He smirked again, knowing he was right. I'd, again, forgotten Philotas. I truly was undeserving of his adoration. And, with his damage done, Cassander finally left the room. I was left with me and my confused thoughts once again. But now was not the time for my girlish emotions. We were to leave in less than an hour and I needed to assume my role as general once more. I needed to check to make sure my men, and myself, were ready for the journey.

As quickly as I could, I dressed and packed all personal items I would require and made my way down to the stables. Once there, I took note of each of my men. I smiled at the knowledge that no one was missing, and everyone was pitching in and nearly ready to move out. My heart swelled with pride. Soon enough, each of us was ready to mount and I gave the signal to do so. As one, we swung our legs over our horses and adjusted ourselves for the long trek ahead. As an organized unit, we rode out to meet Cassander's men. I coldly greeted Cassander as a good show for our men, and Cassander merely laughed once more before we both led our groups to where the infantry was lining up. Once our troops were in line, we rode off to the front where the other commanding officers were riding at the head. Alexander noted our presence.

"Well, that's all of us then. Let's go," he said simply. With that, we started the long march.

Many days passed. The march reminded me very much of the first one. I still was forced to meet with Cassander, but I no longer went to his tent. I insisted that we meet in Alexander's. Hephaistion was less than amused with our interrupting what time he usually had with Alexander, and I felt guilty for that fact. I knew that the time when Alexander would have to take a wife was approaching quickly. And, on that day, Hephaistion's time with his true love would be even more rare and precious. However, the risk of being alone in Cassander's tent was too great. And, the added presence of Philotas in mine would only lead to fighting. Thus, this was the only solution. Luckily, Hephaistion was the forgiving sort. Other than that, nothing much happened. I enjoyed my friendship with Philotas by day, was tormented by my lack of attraction for him at night, and generally avoided Cassander unless in Alexander's tent. I had also come to assume that Cassander had been avoiding me until, on the night before we were to arrive in a village called Bactria, Philotas informed me otherwise.

I was sitting on a rock somewhat away from the camp, gazing up at the stars when I felt a presence settle next to me on the ground. I smiled, automatically knowing it was my dear Philotas. Without even looking, I reached for his willing hand, and felt content as his fingers interlaced with mine. It was a perfect moment. That is, until I turned to see the troubled look on his face as he too stared at the night sky.

"Don't tell me that you're seeing warning star signs telling us to turn back, because it's a little late for that," I teased. His face rearranged into a light smile at my joke.

"No, love. No star signs." But his face again looked troubled.

"What's wrong? You still look upset." He gave me a long look before sighing. 'This cannot be good.'

"It's Cassander-," he started, and I immediately became defensive. I gave a frustrated "ugh" while pulling my hand away.

"What do you want from me Philotas? I have not gone near him since we left except for war council. Even then, we've been meeting in Alexander's tent," I huffed. Philotas looked annoyed at my outburst.

"If you'd let me finish… it was not you to whom my distrust is aimed at." Feeling guilty for assuming, I did not know what to say. So, I said nothing. I merely nodded at him to go on. He sighed, as if letting his irritation go. He really was a good man.

"As I was saying, it's Cassander. You may be staying away from him, but I've seen him watching you. At first, I thought that I must just be paranoid. However, the more I observed it, the more convinced I am that it's not paranoia. And it's not just that. It's the way he's been looking at you… like he's expecting something. It puts me on edge… because I don't know what it is that he is waiting so patiently and attentively for." Philotas looked at me, proving that the expectant look he'd just described was apparently not just reserved for Cassander when observing me. It was apparent that he wanted to know if I knew what Cassander might be waiting before. Unfortunately, I had a sinking feeling that I did know. Traditionally, this would be the point where I would shrug and pretend I had no clue. Yet, this day, I did not truly wish to do that. I had already been so dishonest with him about so much, and he didn't deserve that. Furthermore, what Cassander was waiting for was not my fault. So, I decided to tell the truth.

"He's waiting for me to come to him," I bluntly stated. Philotas looked somewhat taken aback.

"He…what?"

"He's waiting for me to come to him," I stated again.

"What do you mean by 'come to him'?"

"He expects me to go to him and sleep with him." Philotas looked enraged.

"And how do you know this?" I sighed, thinking of the best way to put this.

"Well… he told me so. He believes that one day, soon I imagine, I will simply go to him… for satisfaction." I had not thought it possible, but Philotas looked even more enraged than before.

"How dare that sack of swine suggest that you need satisfaction elsewhere! What arrogance to think that he could offer better!" Philotas was fuming. And, I felt guilt course though me at the knowledge that I could not honestly placate him. It was true, was it not? Philotas no longer satisfied me, and Cassander could. But, I knew that I could not say that to him. Yet, I had to do something before he ran off to confront Cassander… and likely either got himself killed, learned too much, or both. So, I stood and approached where he was pacing, pulled him to me fiercely while burying my head into the crook of his neck and whispered comfortingly to him

"Please calm down. My sweet Philotas, do not listen to Cassander. He is an arrogant jerk. This should not surprise you." Well, at least all that was the truth. At my words, I could feel him relax into my embrace and put his arms around me in return. I relaxed as well. Then, Philotas tipped my chin to look me in the eyes.

"I love you," he whispered. I knew he meant it. He always did. And, as always, my heart tore in two that I again could not return his words. Instead, I reached up and pulled his lips to mine. I kissed him with all the want I wished to have for him. And he responded with all the want that he truly did have for me. It truly was a poignant and tragic moment. There was still so much about love that I did not understand. How could I adore Philotas so much and yet not feel for him what I felt for Cassander? And how could I hate Cassander so much and yet melt into him every time he touched me? It wasn't fair. The gods truly were cruel. But to whom were the crueler right now? Me or Philotas? I could feel my eyes begin to water for us both, unshed tears yearning to break free. But, I could not let him see my tears. It would give too much away. So, instead, I leaned my head on his should and surreptitiously dried my eyes on his toga. I stepped away, taking his hand as I did so.

"Come, Philotas. It has grown late. It's time for bed." Taking my words to mean something more, he grinned while raking his eyes over my form suggestively.

"Tonight, I will make you scream so loud that Cassander can hear you in his tent. Let him try to continue to believe that I don't satisfy you after that." My stomach clenched at his words. I truly hoped that he was right, but I feared that whatever screaming I did this night would be once again feigned. But, for Philotas' sake, I would try to indeed make it loud enough for Cassander to hear. Though, part of me feared what Cassander's response may be.


	11. Waiting For The End

The next morning I woke still feeling exhausted. Philotas had made good on his promise… to an extent. He had been determined to make love to me until the whole camp knew I belonged to him. I knew he'd performed every pleasurable trick in his sexual arsenal to illicit as much noise from me as possible. In the good old days, it would have worked like a charm. I'd have been writhing, moaning, and screaming so loud that not only would Cassander have heard, but Hades deep down in the underworld would have felt the reverberations. Unfortunately, those days were gone. But, registering what he was doing, and knowing what his goal had been ahead of time, I had humored him. When I noticed a new trick, I feigned a delighted response. When, at long last, I knew he'd done everything he knew how to do and could no longer last any longer himself, I gave my big finale. I screamed so loud that I heard the soldiers in surrounding tents stir and could vaguely make out lights being lit in surrounding areas. I had wantonly screamed his name to show everyone that Philotas was every bit the man I neglected to treat him as. It seemed the least I could do.

I stretched my sore limbs, feeling a dull ache in my nether regions. It had taken me a long time to reach any sort of arousal, thus the first hour or so of our "love-making" had felt like sand paper and I was certain that I would find dried blood. It was nothing I could point out however, or he'd know I'd faked the whole thing. But, that was the state of our relationship these days wasn't it? Him trying his best, and me faking everything and going through the motions to avoid the end as much as to save his emotions.

Without waking him, I rose from our bed and made to get ready for the day. Usually, I would wake him as well to take breakfast with me, but this morning I felt the need to be alone. Without a backward glance, I left the tent and took a deep breath as I greeted the morning air. I slowly made my way towards the ration tent, not really paying attention. It was for the best, I realized, as the few times I had lifted my awareness to my surroundings, I noticed soldiers shooting me furtive by leering looks. Obviously, my display had caught more attention than I'd realized. Well, good for Philotas, I supposed. He could use the ego boost amongst the men.

Suddenly, I felt a hand cover my mouth and strong arms pull me into a tent. Immediately, I began to counter the maneuver by stomping my assailant's foot, elbowing him in the gut, and grabbing his now loosened arm which was coming from over my shoulder and flinging him over my back and onto the ground with a great final effort. Once on the ground, my foot immediately went to his throat. I eyed the man struggling to lift that foot from his now-constricted airways and was amused to realize that it was Cassander. I'll be honest, I laughed… hard. So much for big, bad Cassander holding all the cards.

My laughing only made his expression darken even more with angered humiliation. I considered how long I could keep him down there, but knew I'd need to let him go sooner rather than later as the longer I left him down there, the worse his wrath would be when I did finally release. With that, I removed my foot and stepped back, but my huge grin remained. As he slowly got up and regained composure, and with fear of where I knew where this usually went, I decided to shut him up and leave before he got a chance to put me under him again.

"Honestly, Cassander, I expected more from you. But, unfortunately there's no time for you to continue with your ever asinine attempts to bed me today. We ride into Bactria shortly. Also, I'm already rather sated today… as I'm sure you know," I added with a smirk. Cassander's brow knitted with anger at my words.

"The whole camp knows… whore," he spat. I felt my blood begin to boil at the insult, but tried to keep my cool.

"Last I checked, sleeping with the one I love does not make me a whore." I bit my tongue at my words, hoping they came out sounding more sincere than they were. Without giving him a chance to guess either way, I made to leave. As I left, I heard his parting words.

"You don't love him, Thalestris." I paused briefly, but continued. The way he said those words… it was neither arrogant nor questioning. He'd stated them like a simple statement of fact, as if he were telling me that the sun rises in the east. Cassander knew the truth. He knew it as well as he knew his own name. This was the secret behind his assuredness in his actions towards me, but that knowledge did not comfort me. This was not knowledge that I could use. It only confused. I had assumed that his aim had been to force Philotas to have no choice but to leave me, effectively breaking my heart. But now I knew that Cassander was aware that no such heartache would occur. So what was his final goal?

The march into the village of Bactria lacked the pomp and circumstance of the parade into Babylon, but the villagers were equally welcoming. In all honestly, it was in the middle of nowhere and would mean nothing to most rulers. But, Alexander was not most rulers. His fascination and quick acceptance for other cultures made him somewhat unpopular amongst the Greeks, I knew, but it was what had led to our quick friendship when were children. So, I respected and appreciated that aspect of his nature and humored him in his quest to bring the world together as equals.

That night, as we all enjoyed the fine dinner and festivities which the village chief had put together, I noticed that more than one of us were becoming as drunk on the Persian wine as we were with the Persian splendor. As a big finish to the night, music began and a burst of red entered our vision as local girls danced a traditional though strangely erotic dance. In the center of it all was a true dark beauty. While I preferred the company of men in my bedroom, I have no trouble telling you that she was exquisite. The eyes of my comrades followed her closely with their eyes, obviously undressing her with their imaginations. She only had eyes for Alexander, however, and it appeared that Alexander had taken notice. I watched him as he watched her, obviously the most mesmerized of us all. I wish I had known then that this was to be the beginning of the end. As it happens, I did not. Instead, still knowing with women's intuition what this desert flower wanted with Alexander and somehow guessing that she would get it, my eyes searched for Hephaistion. The pain, however subtle he may have tried to keep it, was evident. He watched Alexander as I had, coming to the same conclusion which I had reached. I wished to reach a comforting hand towards Hephaistion's shoulder, but I knew that doing so would only point him out to the others. Still, instantly, my heart turned cold towards this girl whom, innocent though she was to the peaceful heart she was breaking, was breaking it none the less.

I decided that I'd had enough fun for one night. With that, I left Philotas to his own devices with the other men and retired to the small room I'd been granted upon arrival. The alcohol mixed with my prior exhaustion and I fell into a merciful deep, dreamless sleep. However, it was not to last.

The following morning, I woke to the sound of angry voices yelling. They were Greek voices. What in the hell could be happening today already? I did not have to wait long for my answer. As I stepped out of my room, two words caught my attention: Alexander and marriage. My eyebrows raised in surprise. It seemed Bactria's beautiful little desert flower worked her magic quickly. As I approached the fray, I realized that the loudest voice belonged to Cassander.

"Be reasonable, Alexander! You cannot be serious! She's…. she's… not Greek!" The words stung a bit, knowing that I too was not Greek. However, I had already known that he was a snob when it came to his heritage, so I should not have been surprised. And, I knew that many Greeks felt the same as he, hence the scattered nods of agreement to his heated words. However, they fell on deaf ears as Alexander simply shrugged them off as inconsequential. His mind was obviously made. But that did not stop the yelling around him. Cassander continued on his tirade.

"She's not even of noble blood!" At that, Alexander finally spoke.

"Actually, she's the chief's daughter." Cassander appeared nonplussed.

"And that counts as noble? Alexander, you go too far! I will not kneel before some uncivilized wench you decide to prop up as our queen on some lust-driven whim." Alexander's cool finally faded as he crossed to Cassander and harshly shoved him into a nearby wall, shooting him a menacing glare.

"YOU go too far, Cassander. You dare to question my authority? Roxane will be my queen. You will kneel, or you will face the consequences. Is that clear?" Cassander did not argue, but I could see the veins popping out of his neck in rage. He gave Alexander a curt nod, and Alexander released him and stormed off. Once gone, however, the debate continued. It was pointless, of course. Alexander would do as he pleased. It was his right. But, that's Greeks for you. They called it a love of discourse and the art of oratory. I called it a love for the sound of their own voices.

"Alexander goes too far this time," Cassander reiterated to his countrymen, looking for support. He found it for the most part. Another voice spoke, however, to the contrary.

"You are wrong, Cassander," the too familiar voice stated. I was astonished to see Philotas step forward to meet Cassander's disgusted look.

"This coming from Philotas? Philotas: with an equally pure Greek lineage? I am sure your father would be as disgusted as I am to hear you defend Alexander taking some savage as our queen… to bare heirs to the Greek throne." Philotas did not back down however.

"At least she can bare heirs. I should think that we would all feel relief to know that Alexander has the ability to arouse himself with someone with that particular skill," he replied scathingly. My eyes flew around the room searching for Hephaistion. I found him, glaring daggers at Philotas. I was almost taken aback. This was peaceful, forgiving, and understanding Hephaistion. I had never seen him look at someone the way he was looking at Philotas. My stomach clenched for Philotas… that had not been a smart move to attack the one person with Alexander's unconditional ear. Hephaistion was smart. He had known that this day was coming, but that did not mean he had to welcome it. He knew he could not argue with Alexander, as Alexander would need his support now more than ever. But, he would surly hold it against any whom also voiced a positive opinion towards the match. It would not help that the basis of this positive opinion was aimed directly at his relationship with our ruler. I needed to stop Philotas before he dug his hole any deeper.

"This is a pointless debate, and you all know it. Whatever conclusion is reached in this hall makes no difference to the fact that Alexander's mind is made. He will do what he wishes, agree or disagree with the wish," I stated loudly as I walked to the center of the hall towards Philotas to put a steadying hand on his shoulder in the hope that he would understand that it was for the best that he go no further in his argument. The tension appeared to die somewhat until the voice of a large foot-soldier, with a mouth of rotten teeth, spoke from his spot in the crowd.

"Of course YOU would like the bitch. She's a savage just like you," he spat disgustingly at me. My blood went cold, but before I could spring to my own defense Cassander had made a beeline for him, thrown him to the ground, drawn his sword, and put the tip of it to the offensive man's throat.

"That is a Macedonian general whom you are speaking to in such a disrespectful manner. She was raised in the palace and educated with Greek nobles. She could flip you over her shoulder, slice your pathetic manhood 72 different ways, and stand with perfect balance on a horse while it galloped away. All while reciting Homer's great epics. If you ask me whom I would claim as a countryman first between you and she, I would pick her every time," he seethed with rage, "We may be surrounded by savages in this far outreach of the known world, but she is not one of them. And you would do well to remember that, unless you would like to meet the tip of my sword again. Or, in all truthfulness, unless you would like to meet the tip of hers." With that, Cassander re-sheathed his sword, backed away from the man still sprawled on the ground with fear in his eyes as he stared up at the daunting general whom had threatened his life, and stormed off without a backward glance.

The room was awkwardly silent as I felt eyes on me, searching for my reaction to Cassander, none more so than Philotas'. However, I was just as stunned as they were. Was that truly what Cassander thought of me? My heart flipped at the thought and I willed my pulse to slow. This was Cassander. This was not the first time he had defended me. I recalled the day when Philotas had drunkenly accosted me. Then, it had all been a ploy to get me in bed with him. Perhaps this was yet another plot? A large gesture to send me towards him as he claimed I would? I would not put it past him. And yet, I was not convinced. There had been something honest in his rage: something instinctual. This had not been calculated. I still did not trust it however. I did not want to make the mistake of underestimating him.

I came out of my thoughts to realize that the hall was beginning to clear out, the men figuring that they had likely seen as much of a show as they would get. Philotas still stared at me, looking intensely perplexed. This time, I did not know what I could possibly tell him to placate the situation. Cassander had just dropped a bombshell on his not-so-unwarranted paranoia. Instead, I just walked away in the direction of Hephaistion. Today was not about me, but him and his fresh heartbreak.

Hephaistion had already slipped a bit away to a more remote area of the village when I finally caught up with him. He was staring off into the distance. He looked lost, and I hurt for him. I edged closer to him so that I was merely standing in companionable silence beside him. Several moments passed before I heard him take in a deep breathe. I looked up into his still beautiful and boyish face, though now it was etched with a grief he would never be able to publicly mourn. I softly placed my hand on his shoulder, searching for the right words to say. Nothing could truly ease his pain, but I said the only thing I could really think of: the truth.

"Hephaistion, I have known you and Alexander since I was a child. Not a single day has passed since the first moment I saw the two of you together that I did not know it was you to whom his heart belonged. The love you share with Alexander is real. It is immovable. The inertia of your lives may shake at its foundation, but it will not crumble. I have envied it since I can remember; searched for a way to duplicate it. But, I have learned, it cannot be duplicated. Pity this Roxane: you bare Alexander's heart and all she will ever bare of his is a child." For a moment, Hephaistion made no movement. I wondered if he'd even heard me through his own thoughts. Finally, he sighed deeply.

"Do you like her?" he asked with apprehension and without turning to look at me.

"I hated her the minute I saw that she had caused your heart to break," I stated seriously, looking up at him. At that he looked me in the eye to see if I was lying. Seeing that I spoke the truth, his face split into a wide grin and he pulled me into tight hug.

"Thank you, old friend. Thank you," was all he said, his words muffled by my hair. An irritated voice behind us spoke up.

"Oh gods… not you too. Is there anyone I don't have to worry about you with, Thalestris?" We broke apart to see Philotas standing nearby and looking angrily at Hephaistion. Hephaistion was looking back with even more rage… the rage I had seen earlier in the hall.

"Philotas, if you honestly think that, then I have overestimated you," I stated with irritation. Philotas was digging a hole I would not be able to pull him out of, and he did not even realize. A scorned lover is never to be trifled with. Without another word, I stormed off, pushing Philotas along as well in order to get him away from Hephaistion.

BrokenAngel1753: My dear… you get my loyalty award. Haha. I'm very sorry for making you wait so long last time. I hate it when authors do that… and now look at me. In order to make up for it, I have wasted no time posting this next update. Hopefully I can keep it up. On another good note: I found my old outline for this story and have made some improvements which I hope everyone will like. Hope the new year is going well for you so far!


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